


Bleeding Emotions

by alovething



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon, Child Abuse, Drama, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-22
Updated: 2005-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12068742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alovething/pseuds/alovething
Summary: Brian is a high school senior with a hidden talent. Justin is in his senior year of college with hopes of becoming an artist. What happens when they cross paths?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

**AN:** Thanks to Kami with all her help on this chapter. Please review everyone.

* * *

Soft music filled the empty room. His fingers ached as the callused digits strummed the strings of his acoustic guitar, but it was a welcomed pain. His soft voice rose up into the air and danced around him, filling the room with smooth, haunting tones. He alternated between hitting the hollow instrument with his knuckles and strumming the strings, playing faster and harder. 

Brian kept his eyes closed and his head back as he sang, his fingers moving on along the beloved instrument as if they were on autopilot. The song was haunting, filled with pain and despair disguised in cryptic verse. Brian finished the song with a throaty scream and lowered the guitar, looking all too wise in his eighteen years.

He looked down at the stained floorboards, the toes of his high tops scraping the floor as he sat on the stool in the corner of the empty room. He was suddenly startled by cheers and applause. Brian looked up and saw the whole gang coming in the doorway of the abandoned house he often called home. 

Michael, Lindsay, Juliana, and Graham spilled into the large open room, clapping their hands. Brian blushed and Juliana kissed his cheek, Lindsay following suit while the guys patted him on the back.

“That was gorgeous, Bri.” Juliana sighed dreamily.

“As always,” Lindsay added.

“Ok groupies. Back off!” Graham joked. The girls pushed him playfully.

“Bravo, man.” Michael’s smile was genuine. 

“Fuck off,” said Brian laughingly. The five friends settled down in various spots among the living room. Tomorrow would be the start of their senior year. The air buzzed with excitement. Tomorrow would be the three-year anniversary of their undying friendship.

They all met the first day of freshman year at East Allegheny High. That day, Brian showed up with a fading bruise on his left cheekbone, a small cut on his bottom lip, and perpetual scowl firmly in place. He was walking along the perfectly manicured lawns of the high school, studying the map intently, when he heard someone cry out in a combination of fear and pain. He looked up to see two boys pushing around someone much smaller than them, and Brian felt himself grow angry. 

“Hey! What are you fuckers doing?” Brian yelled. The two boys looked up and their expressions quickly changed from annoyance to fear as they watched Brian approach. At fourteen, Brian stood at 5’10” and his muscles were already well defined, due to relentless hours of working out. His strength was evident even under his many layers of clothing. He stormed up to the boys and grabbed them by the collars. “Leave him the fuck alone. Don’t make me tell you again. Got it?”

The boys nodded and ripped themselves from Brian’s grasp. They grabbed their book bags and scurried off in the opposite direction.

“That was fucking awesome!” Brian turned and really looked at the kid he had just saved for the first time. He was short, with black hair and big brown eyes. He wore a baggy dark blue tee shirt and a pair of old jeans. He grinned up at him like he was a hero, and it made Brian feel good. “Michael Novotny.”

“Brian Kinney.” He extended his hand and Michael happily shook it. Brian had perfect manners when no one was pissing him off. “My pleasure.”

“The pleasure is all mine, I’m sure. Thanks, for, you know.”

“No problem. Those guys were wankers.”

“Your accent is totally awesome by the way.” Brian laughed, a slight blush coming to his cheeks.

“Thanks. My family moved here from Ireland over the summer. I grew up learning English but I picked up the accent. I’ve been trying to drop it,” Brian replied. 

“Don’t drop it. It’s so cool,” Michael exclaimed. Brian laughed at his enthusiasm.

“What’s your schedule?” Michael reached into the pocket of his jeans and they swapped, scanning each other’s lists for matches.

“You’re in almost all my classes,” Michael pointed out. “We have Algebra, English I, Gym, and Science together. So you’re a freshman too, I take it.” Brian nodded the affirmative. He looped his arm around the shoulders of his new friend and they trooped off to their respective homerooms.

Brian stepped into the classroom, suddenly feeling self-conscious in the absence of his new friend. He scanned the room, and his eyes landed on a blonde sitting alone in the back row. She was glancing around nervously, her blonde hair falling onto the shoulders of her pink sweater. Brian squared himself and dropped into the seat next to her.

Lindsay looked over at her new seating companion, studying him closely. He wore a tight white v-neck tee under an unzipped red hooded sweatshirt. Over the sweatshirt he wore an unbuttoned black blazer. The hood of the sweatshirt hung over the collar of the blazer and the sleeves stuck out, hugging his large hands. He wore slightly baggy jeans and black high tops. There was a silver key hanging from his neck by a black leather cord. His chestnut hair was shaggy and hung elegantly in his eyes and around his ears, barely touching his hood in the back. The sweatshirt brought out the natural auburn highlights in his hair. He turned to greet her, his full raspberry lips curving up into a beautiful smile. Intense hazel eyes greeted her brown ones, flecks of gold and green swimming in the expressive pools. Even with the bruise marring his golden skin, he was gorgeous. Lindsay’s fingers twitched with the desire to sketch him. 

“I’m Brian,” he told her, holding out his hand. She took it and he leaned over and kissed the back of it, another display of perfect manners. Lindsay blushed crimson and giggled. _‘Ah, that Irish charm,’_ Brian thought. _‘Too bad I’m not into pussy.’_

“I’m Lindsay. Nice to meet you.” They exchanged pleasantries and she gushed over his accent and heritage. They swapped schedules and discovered that they had Algebra and English with Michael. After roll had been taken, she leaned over, pulling a sketchbook from her bag. “Can I sketch you?”

“Um,” Brian was taken aback by her request. He felt a blush rising to his cheeks. “I guess so.” 

“Great. Just go back to reading your papers like you were.” The rest of the period went by like that. Brian felt surprisingly at ease, lulled to calmness by the soothing sound of charcoal on paper. When the bell rang, Lindsay slammed her sketchbook shut before Brian had a chance to see her rendition of him.

“Hey.” He protested. “Let me see.”

“It’s not finished. So you can’t yet.”

“Oh, fine.” He crossed his arms and pretended to pout.

“Aw,” Lindsay giggled. “Your accent is just so hot. I can’t get over it.” Brian blushed again, wondering how many more people would comment on it.

They met Michael outside their algebra class. Brian introduced the two, and they seemed to hit it off immediately. The trio took seats in the back row, next to a guy with hair in long black spikes who had his arms crossed, looking terribly bored. Next to him sat a girl with reddish brown hair, the color of a new copper penny. She had her nose buried in a book that had nothing to do with school.

Brian began to tell Michael about Lindsay’s mystery sketch when he felt someone tap on his shoulder. He turned to see the guy with the spiky hair looking at him with curious green eyes, the bored expression gone from his face.

“Excuse me. I couldn’t help but notice your accent,” the guy said smoothly. Brian smirked and wondered whether or not the guy was trying to hit on him and was just really bad at it. He was hot, but his gaydar just wasn’t pinging. 

“You’ve got quite an accent yourself,” Brian said with a raised eyebrow. The guy laughed and extended his hand.

“I’m Graham.”

“Brian,” he said, shaking his hand. “And this is Michael and Lindsay.” They all waved at each other. Graham elbowed the girl next to him, and she folded down the page of her book to mark it before closing it and looking up. 

“Miss antisocial over here is Juliana,” Graham explained. “This is Brian, Michael, and Lindsay.”

“I’m sorry,” Juliana started. “This book is just really interesting and I can’t put it down. Except for in homeroom when I met this guy.” She motioned to Graham and he pushed her playfully. They looked really close for two people that just met.

“It’s quite alright, lass.” Brian winced. “Fuck, I just said lass. I need to get the Irish out of me.” Michael laughed loudly. 

“Oh my god! You’re accent is so cool!” Juliana exclaimed. “And when you said ‘fuck’ it sounds like ‘fook’. How awesome.” They all laughed hysterically and Brian blushed yet again.

“I know right,” Graham said excitedly. “I’m glad I’m not the only European bloke in this school. I’ve accepted my fate as ‘that British guy’.” Graham’s accent was a thick one. It made them all smile and made Brian not worry so much about his own. 

The teacher gave them the period to get to know one another, and the five of them spent the period doing just that. Brian and Graham were infinitely glad they met each other. Graham had also just moved to the country, so they were happy to have someone that understood what it was like to adjust. Lindsay and Juliana discovered they shared a passion for art, and Michael discovered Captain Astro was a big hit in London.

Brian fingered the key hanging from his neck, not so ready to reveal his passion.

The first month of school passed like a dream. The five friends became inseparable. Brian loved it. With four best friends, he rarely slept at home. Michael’s mom, Debbie, pretty much adopted him the first time he went to his house. He had a fresh shiner from a run in with his dad, and Debbie claimed his accent was the “fucking cutest thing ever”.

One day, Brian was sitting at home, waiting for the gang to arrive. He absently fingered the key around his neck, wondering if he should reveal his secret. He lay back on his bed and hummed, his foot tapping on the floor. He heard a pebble hit his window; the sign the gang was all here. They knew better then to knock on the door. 

Brian slipped on his blazer over his black tee and made his way down the stairs. He snuck out the back door and walked around the house to meet his friends. The sun was about to set. They needed to hurry if they were going to make it before dusk.

“Hey guys,” Brian said apprehensively. “I want to show you something.” Brian motioned for them to follow and he started down a path leading into the woods. Brian’s parents owned a lot of property on the outskirts of town. It stretched for acres. 

Brian walked along the path as his eyes studied the ground, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. The rest of the group created a trail behind him. Michael was directly on his heels, already having a good idea where he was headed. Lindsay and Juliana followed him, arm in arm, their artistic eyes trained on the beautiful nature scenes surrounding them. Graham brought up the back, looking skeptic. 

“Hey mate,” Graham said nervously. “When you invited us over I didn’t know we were going to go on a nature hike. I’m not really one of those outdoorsy blokes, you know? This seems a bit dodgy.”

“Oh, you’ll be fine. It’s not much farther. Now shut your gob.” Brian replied. The other three looked at each other, smiling at their slang.

“Where exactly _are_ we going, Bri?” Lindsay asked.

“You’ll see.” They kept walking, and the trees kept getting thicker. The sun was setting, casting eerie shadows across the trail. The air was cool and thick, scented with pine and wet dirt. Gnarled old trees stood tall all around them, guarding whatever secrets the dark woods may hold.

Brian led them out of the trees and they saw a small house against a fence. It appeared to be two stories and was painted a light gray. No decoration adorned the house except for the large frosted glass windows. The walls were dirty, and the paint was peeling away from the swelling wood. Ivy and moss crept up from the ground, claiming the rickety old house as its own. A wooden porch stretched out along the front of the house, sagging heavily under decades of time and invisible weight. The door was painted a dark mahogany color, an eerie invitation into the belly of the old, yet enchanting dwelling.

A tall apple tree grew beside it, engulfing the house in shadows. Dead, rotting apples littered the ground and the roof, decomposing corpses of something once beautiful. Behind the house laid an expanse of rolling green hills. Brian walked up to the doorway of the house and turned to face his friends, spreading his arms wide to present his treasure.

“My parents don’t even have a clue this is here. So it’s all mine,” Brian smiled and leaned down towards the door, using the key from his neck to unlock it.

“You wanker!” Graham exclaimed, pushing his way inside. “You have your own flat and didn’t tell us?”

“Not exactly. There’s no electricity or heat. I kind of just stay down here when I’m on the gur. When my Da gets too much to handle,” Brian responded.

“On the gur?” Michael asked.

“When I need to get away from home.”

“We’re never gonna get all this slang down,” Juliana laughed.

“We’ll write you a dictionary,” Graham joked. “This is brilliant.” The group walked around the small space. It was basically just one big room with an adjoining bathroom. 

“The plumbing works though, so I don’t have to go back up to the house to use the jacks,” Brian grinned. Michael, Lindsay, and Juliana nodded, and once Brian turned his back to them Graham smiled and mouthed the word ‘bathroom’. They all rolled their eyes and continued exploring the small space. 

The house was damp on the inside, and the wood was swelled, as if the house had been breathing and living for years. It smelled of dust and mildew. It was a thick, heavy smell that hung in their nostrils. The walls were painted the same dull gray as the outside, darkened in the corners by water and dirt. The hardwood floors were stained and littered with dead leaves and pebbles. It was old, dirty, and barely standing, but to Brian, it was beautiful. It was an escape, a safe haven. It was home.

“It needs some work,” Brian stated. “But it’ll be grand once I’m done.”

Once it got dark, Brian took a few battery-operated lanterns from the closet and set them around the room. The light cast an eerie glow around the cozy space. They all sat in a small circle, talking about anything and everything until the sun set and the moon was high in the sky.

“This is a great place, Brian,” Michael told him. 

“Thanks. So, you guys are my best mates, right?” Brian asked. They all nodded. “Good, because I want this place to be ours. You know how to get here now.” Brian stood up and retrieved four keys from the pocket of his jeans. He passed them to his friends and sat back down in the circle.

“Wow, Brian.” Michael looked down at the key in his hands. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, this is aces,” Graham said. Juliana and Lindsay took off their necklaces and put the keys on them, thanking Brian profusely.

An hour later, the gang was still sitting in their close circle, giggling madly. The light from the lanterns traced patterns on their flushed skin. Rings of smoke danced in the air above them as they shared a joint, provided by Brian. He watched his friends all smoke for the first time, their eyes glazing over and giggles flowing from their mouths. His lips turned upwards into an amused smirk, his tongue finding the inside of his cheek.

“Jules, pass the spliff,” Graham said, holding out his hand expectantly. Juliana took one more hit from the joint and handed it over. Graham inhaled deeply and Michael burst out laughing again. Brian and Graham had spent the last half an hour teaching their friends various slang terms.

“So, testicles are goolies, and breasts are diddies?” Michael asked. Brian nodded, a grin spreading across his face. “Where’d you get this pot?”

“Remember that day I was on the hop from school?” He nodded. “I went down to the city that day and I bought it from this guy on the street. It cost me a wee bit of cash but it was worth it.” They all agreed and the room fell eerily silent.

“Hey Brian?” Lindsay asked seriously. 

“Yes?”

“I’ll show you my diddies if you show me your goolies.”

The five of them burst out into fits of hysterical laughter. Juliana lay down and rested her head on Graham’s thigh and Brian draped one arm over Michael’s shoulders.

“This is so much fun. You guys talk so different,” Juliana stated.

“Yeah,” Graham replied. “Remember how I got all buggered out when Brian told us he was a fag and you guys thought I was homophobic?”

“Yeah and you were just confused as all hell because you didn’t know why the fuck Brian was calling himself a cigarette!” Michael cried out and their eyes watered from laughing so hard. Brian had gotten some good pot.

“Well, I’m bored,” Graham announced after the joint had been smoked. He got up and started poking around the house, studying every nook. He got to the closet and opened the door. Brian wasn’t watching him, due to a discussion he was having with Michael about soccer.

“Blimey! Look what I’ve found here!” Graham returned to the center of the room with an acoustic guitar in his hands. Brian spotted it and his expression turned into one of pure horror. The guitar was all black, and the light flickered off its smooth surface. The strings gleamed, their silver a stark contrast against the black.

“I assume this is yours, mate. You never told us you could play.”

“I can’t,” Brian choked out, looking incredibly nervous. “Well, I mean I can. But no one knows.”

“Play us something, Brian,” Juliana asked. Brian promptly shook his head. Graham placed the guitar in Brian’s lap and nodded. All four of them had their eyes locked on Brian, waiting for him to strike a chord.

“No, I can’t play in front of anyone,” he told them, sweat forming on his brow despite the chilled air. 

“Don’t be daft,” Graham chided. “I’m sure you’re great.”

Brian shook his head furiously again. His hands acted of their own accord and pulled the guitar into the proper position on his lap. His long, elegant fingers danced along the strings, as if he itched to strum them. Lindsay bit her bottom lip and rifled through her bag. She pulled out her sketchbook, opened it to a certain page and set it on the ground in front of Brian.

He looked down and saw the sketch of himself from the first day of school. She had amazing talent. He was mystified at how good he looked in all the strokes and smudges of charcoal. He looked up at Lindsay, who was chewing her fingernail nervously.

“I don’t like to show people my work, either.” She smiled at him softly, and he knew just how hard it was for her to show him that. He sighed deeply and hoisted the guitar up on his lap.

“That’s bleeding brilliant, Linds,” Brian said softly. “Don’t ever doubt yourself again.” She smiled and took her place back in the circle. His friends all smiled up at him and he willed his nervousness to the pit of his stomach. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and pulled a pick out of the pocket of his blazer. He couldn’t believe he was about to play for an audience.

He licked his lips and cleared his throat, anything to delay the inevitable. He looked up into the smiling faces of his friends and took a deep breath. He placed his fingers in all the right spots and began to play.

He closed his eyes as he sung, his fingers moving gracefully along the instrument. His voice carried up into the rafters of the house, strong and haunting. __

I've been where the river ran  
I'm drownin' in a sunless sea  
Sleep has helped me find my end  
You promised me you'd set me free  
Don't fall asleep to dream

A banshee's at my window pane  
There's an angel at my feet  
Don't fall asleep to dream 

I'm awake now   
You can't touch me, I won't sleep no more  
I'm awake now

Their mouths dropped as they listened to their talented friend. His voice struck a chord in all of them, soaring through their veins and settling in a cloud around their heart. Brian looked beautiful as he sang, his full lips formed the words in his head, his eyes stayed closed and his forehead creased, lost in thought. __

In the corner of my mind   
Where he sits and waits for me  
There's a wall of confusion building  
And the sky begins to bleed on me   
Don't fall asleep to dream 

I'm looking for a way out now   
Peace of mind is all I need   
Don't fall asleep to dream 

I'm awake now   
You can't touch me, I won't sleep no more  
I'm awake now

Brian finished the melodic verse and bit his lip, pausing before opening his eyes. He forced away all his feelings of uneasiness and took a deep breath. His lids fluttered open to reveal four amazed teenagers, jaws agape in surprise and astonishment. He could have sworn Lindsay and Juliana’s eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. It was Lindsay that finally broke the silence.

“That,” she started, her voice quaking. “That was completely beautiful.” Brian smiled and breathed in his relief. There was no mistaking the smile on his face for one of pure joy. 

“So amazing,” Juliana breathed. Michael and Graham nodded their agreement before offering compliments of their own. Brian set down his guitar and gulped a few times before finding his voice.

“Thanks, mates. Just, don’t tell anyone. My parents wouldn’t approve, and I just don’t want anyone to know.” They all nodded and Brian felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. He settled back into a comfortable lull of conversation with his best friends. 

The next three years flashed before their eyes. To Brian, it was like heaven and hell. His friends were his lifelines, the things that kept him going. He still had to face his father, the person that would punch him for no other reason then that he had a bad day. Michael, Lindsay, Juliana, and Graham all had their share of late night visits from a bloody Brian. They all wiped his tears and cleaned his wounds, and they all developed a strong hate for the man Brian called Da.

Tomorrow they would start their senior year. It would be a milestone in their lives together. One more year, and everything would change.

Brian, Michael, and Graham were all eighteen, the girls one year younger. They sat around the old house, a safe haven for all of them over the years. They had fixed it up beautifully, and kept it a secret.

“So, nervous? About school, I mean,” Graham asked, flexing his fingers around a throw pillow from the second hand sofa that sat under the large glass window of the house.

“Not really,” Brian replied as he placed his guitar into its leather case. The girls nodded towards Michael and he cleared his throat nervously as he stood up and crossed the room to stand at Brian’s side. He pulled a bright blue piece of paper from the pocket of his jeans and unfolded it slowly. Brian turned and caught sight of the flyer, noticing the bold font printed on it.

“Bloody hell,” Brian cried, knowing full well what his friends were up to.

“Transitions is having an open mic night,” Michael said nonchalantly.

“And?” Brian asked, trying to stay calm.

“You should play!” Lindsay cried out excitedly.

“No fucking way.”

* * *

The song is “I’m Awake Now” by the Goo Goo Dolls. I used it mainly for the lyrics, not the way it sounded.


	2. Bleeding Emotions

“No fucking way.” Justin took another drag off of his cigarette. Daphne sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Justin was in a mood tonight.

“C’mon. It’ll be fun.”

“Nope.” He continued flipping through his CD case with seemingly intense concentration.

“Emmett says there’s supposed to be a lot of good bands.”

“I don’t want to listen to that MTV influenced bubble punk shit. If I wanted to hear good music, I’d put in my CD. If I could fucking find it!” Justin threw the large case onto the couch and crossed the living room of the small apartment he used to share with Daphne. She moved into the dorms because of money issues, and Justin was currently on the hunt for a new roommate. He wasn’t hunting very hard though. He liked living alone and planned to for as long as he could before money became an issue for him as well.

He rummaged through a stack of CD’s near the stereo. He let out a small “ah ha!” when he found what he was looking for. He put it in and pushed play, causing “Loretta Young Silks” by the Sneaker Pimps flood out of the speakers. Justin visibly relaxed, slumping down next to Daphne on the sofa.

“Uh oh,” Daphne started, turning to face him. “I know what that song means. Boy trouble.”

“Or lack there of. Sorry I’m being such a shit.” Justin reached up and moved his golden hair out of his eyes. His usually bright blue eyes were slate gray and empty. His full lips refused to turn up into a smile. He stubbed his cigarette out in a nearby ashtray and sighed.

“What about that James guy? You had a date with him last night.” Daphne put a comforting arm around her best friend’s shoulders.

“He was an ass. Shallow as a rain puddle, and dumb as a brick. I couldn’t even carry on a conversation with him.” Justin sighed and got up off of the sofa. He paced the living room, his white tee and blue pajama pants hugging his lithe frame. He snaked his fingers though his hair as Daphne looked on worriedly. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m twenty-two. My last year of college starts tomorrow. I should be out there. I should be living, loving, getting laid. But I’m not. I feel like life is passing me by and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Oh Jus,” she said sympathetically, taking his hand and pulling him back down next to her. “This is a whole new year. A whole new beginning. It’s cliché, but it’s true. You’re going to go out more, _live more_ , whether you like it or not. You can start by coming to Transitions with your best friends on Friday. And you’re going to like it.”

Daphne smiled at him and he couldn’t help returning it. There was something almost prophetic about what she said. He believed her. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. He nuzzled her face against her curly brown hair and thanked his lucky stars, few as they were, once more that he had her. He had barely spoken to his mother and sister in the last three years, and spoke to his father even less. Daphne took him in when he had no place to go, and for that, he was eternally grateful. 

“Fine, I’ll go. But you better get me drunk first.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“No.” Brian flopped down onto the oversized beanbag chair near the center of the room. He looked up at his friend’s forlorn, pleading faces. His face softened and he almost gave in. _Almost._ He crossed his arms over his chest and raised his chin defiantly. “No.”

“Brian, you are so fucking awesome,” Michael cried out, causing a slight blush to rise from the collar of Brian’s simple black collared shirt. “Open mic night would be a great place for you to get over your stage fright.”

“It’s not stage fright.” Everyone gave Brian a raised eyebrow and a dubious look. He sighed. “Fine, it’s _partial_ stage fright. Playing has always just been my thing. The thing I do to lose myself. I’ve never shared it with anyone but you guys, and I still blame that on the pot.”

“Oh shut up, Brian,” Graham laughed. “You love to play for us. And you know we adore it. Your stuff is bloody brilliant.”

“It is Brian,” Lindsay added. “You should share your art with others. I was so happy with the way my stuff looked at that show at the GLC.”

“Yeah Brian,” Juliana added. Then she turned to face Graham. “It’s funny how all of our friends are so very, very gay,” she joked.

“Yeah, when we are so very, very hetero.” He grabbed his girlfriend and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Graham asked Juliana out their sophomore year and they had been a happy couple ever since.

“Ew, hetero sex!” Michael and Brian cried out in unison. They covered their eyes and gagged. Lindsay laughed at their antics and the group broke out in laughter. Brian was relieved for the change of subject. 

“Oh god. Brian, show me your dick, quick,” Michael joked. He winked at Brian before laughing.

“In your dreams, stud.” Michael snapped his fingers and shook his head in mock disappointment. 

Brian smiled and settled back into the beanbag, grateful for the distraction. Michael and Graham struck up a discussion about the graphics class they had signed up for while the girls discussed art.

Brian spotted the discarded flyer on the ground and reached out to grab it. The paper felt rough against his callused fingers. He studied the flyer, his eyes roaming the page. There was nothing sinister, nothing evil about it. It was just a flyer. Brian wasn’t so sure.

His stomach twisted up into knots at just the thought of performing in front a room full of strangers. Transitions was a local all ages club geared towards live music. Brian and the gang were well known there, as they were usually seen there at least once or twice a week. Graham even worked there for a brief stint before he got a job at the record store.

Brian glanced over at his British friend. He had done a lot of growing up in the last three years. His hair was still black, but a patch of hair above his right temple was dyed a vivid purple. He kept it in thick spikes. The purple contrasted with the green of his curious eyes. A silver hoop adorned the left side of his bottom lip, glinting in the light as he smiled. His accent had softened a bit due to his years in America, but it was still enough to make the girls swoon.

Michael had done some growing up as well. He stood a few inches taller. Joining Brian and Graham in working out had done him well, as he now filled out the tee shirts he always wore. He kept his hair short and neat, the opposite of his two male friends. 

Brian’s look hadn’t changed much since freshman year. He was taller, his muscles were more developed, and he had graduated from a pubescent cute to drop dead gorgeous. He kept his hair shaggy and messy, pulling off the sexy just woken up look perfectly. His chestnut hair always fell into his eyes, and it hugged his ears and the back of his neck. His eyes were haunted, reflecting the lifetime of abuse and pain he had gone through. If someone looked into them long enough, they would reveal his soul. He still opted to dress in jeans, tees, blazers, and high tops. Brian’s accent had also softened, but only a little bit. His voice was deep and sultry, his Irish lilt only adding to its charm. Girls lusted over Brian and Graham, even though neither were available to them due to different reasons.

Brian came out to his friends soon after their bond was established, and Michael followed suit shortly after. Both boys worked at the Liberty Diner, under Deb’s watchful eye. 

Brian had fooled around with a few of the diner’s patrons over the course of the years, but he still had hopes for romance and love. He was still a virgin, even though he had received more than his fair share of offers to remedy that fact. 

Juliana and Lindsay had both grown up to be quite striking as well. Lindsay was a classic beauty, with a timeless face and gorgeous blonde hair. Juliana followed suit with Graham. Her hair was dyed a deep plum color, and her eyes were lined with black kohl. A silver stud adorned the right side of her bottom lip, opposite of her boyfriend.

 

Brian tore his eyes away from his friends and returned his gaze back to the flyer in his hands. He turned it over and over, as it if held a secret. He bit his bottom lip and imagined himself up on the stage he usually watched from below. A chill ran down his spine and he shook his head.

He did get a rush every time he played for his friends. Gentle vibrations pulsed through his nerves and his heart fluttered against his chest. His fingers shook and his breath caught in his throat. It was the same every time. Graham was right, he loved playing for his friends, but for dozens of strangers he wasn’t so sure.

He began to run over his many songs in his head. He had notebooks upon notebooks of lyrics written in messy scrawl. The rush he got from writing the songs was almost as powerful as the one he got from playing them. He narrowed it down to a handful of songs, toying with the idea of performing. He hadn’t noticed he was humming the tune to one of them until he looked up and saw his friends all looking at him, conversations on pause.

“What?” Brian asked.

“You were humming,” Lindsay replied.

“Was I?” He looked down at the flyer of his hands, edges crumpled from where he was clutching onto it.

“Yeah. So are you thinking about playing?” Juliana asked. “You really should. Do it.”

“Graham, shut up your mot.” Brian stuck his tongue out at Juliana, who playfully gave him the finger. “It’s banjaxed. I’m not going to do it.”

“That is so naff,” Graham replied. “You wank.” Brian promptly shot him a glare.

“Which one of me songs would I play?” Brian asked, he bit his lip and furrowed his brows, a sure sign that he was thinking. The rest of the gang smiled wide. Brian was giving in.

“Something fun,” Michael offered.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t play something too emotional. What about ‘No Such Thing’?”

“That’s my favorite,” Lindsay replied with a clap of her dainty hands. “That and ‘Love Song For No One’.” 

“Yeah, I’d do one of those two.”

“So, you’re going to do it?” Graham asked hopefully. Brian looked at their faces, knowing he couldn’t deny them anything. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

“This is such blarney. I can’t believe I’m going to do this.” Brian closed his eyes and shook his head. He jumped when the four of them erupted into cheers.

Brian looked over at his guitar case as he felt the nervous knot in his stomach harden.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The diner was full of the usual after work crowd. Brian let out a low growl of frustration as his ass was grabbed for what seemed like the thousandth time. He turned to see that it was the same troll he shot down five minutes earlier. Brian gave him a withered look and the guy licked his chapped lips in what he seemed to think was an irresistibly sexy gesture. Brian grimaced and grabbed a bin to collect the dishes from a nearby table. He was pulling double duty as a waiter and a busboy because the regular busboy called in sick.

He turned to take the bin to the kitchen and saw the troll making eyes at him again. Brian positioned the bin on his hip in a way so that when he walked by him, Brian “accidentally” conked the guy in the head with the hard plastic bin. The guy cried out in pain and Brian bit down on his lip to keep from laughing.

“Nice going, kiddo.” Brian set down the bin and smiled at Debbie.

“Well me bum couldn’t take much more abuse from that idiotic prat,” Brian replied with an amused smirk, nodding his head to gesture at table three. Debbie shook her head and laughed. “What?

“Three years and I still can’t get over the way you talk. That accent of yours is so fucking sexy.”

“Ew Deb. You’re like me mum. Please don’t ever refer to me like that again.” Debbie let out a roar of laughter.

“How’s school going, kiddo? Senior year is the best.”

“It’s alright, I suppose. I think I’ve had senioritis since grade school. This year I’m really going to try not to just foster about. I’m going to try to stay focused. But then again, today is Wednesday, and school started on Monday, so who knows.” 

“You’ll do great, baby. You always do.”

“Thanks. But I swear if I have to see Chris and his ugly mot snogging one more time I’m going to scream. At least he knows not to give Mikey shit anymore. We established that first term of freshman year.”

“Yeah, thanks for always looking out for him.” 

“He’s me best mate. Well one of four.” Brian stopped and giggled. “That sounded like a toy commercial.” He dropped his voice to imitate that of an announcer’s. “Brian’s Best Friends, by Dysfunctional Playthings. Collect the whole set!” Debbie giggled and Brian shook his head. “I’m so knackered. I haven’t really been sleeping well, as usual. I blame all silliness on that.”

“Your dad still giving you shit?” Debbie asked, her expression taking on one of concern. 

“I’m alive aren’t I? As much as he wishes I wasn’t.”

“Well, fuck him. You’re always welcome at casa de Novotny!” 

“Thanks, mum.” Debbie smiled proudly at him and kissed his cheek.

“You ready for open mic night on Friday?” She asked, wiping the lipstick form his cheek with the pad of her thumb. Brian felt the nervous knot in his stomach clench.

“Well, me nerves are all banjaxed. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, I wager.”

“You’ll be great. I know it.” Debbie had only heard him play on a few occasions, but she seemed to love it. “You’re done for the night, kiddo. Go home and get some sleep.” She counted out his tips and he shoved them into the pocket of his jeans. He untied his apron and tossed it on top of the bin of dirty dishes. He gave Debbie a kiss on the cheek and walked around the counter to leave. 

Brian slung his backpack over his shoulders and started to walk towards the door. As he walked by table three, the old troll reached up for one last grab. Brian slapped his hand away in one swift move without slowing down or looking back.

He opened the door and held it open for a good-looking young woman with curly brown hair and mocha skin. He nodded to her and slipped out the door. He turned to the left and towards his car. The girl looked back out the door and to the right as Brian drove around the corner.

“Justin, hurry your ass!” Daphne shouted from the doorway to the diner. She was hungry. After a full day of classes she wanted nothing more than a nice warm meal. Justin got out of the passenger side door of Daphne’s car and jogged up to his friend. “What were you doing?”

“Checking my voicemail. I wanted to see if I heard anything from that gallery that wanted to buy my paintings.” 

“Oh. Well, I’m hungry.” Justin nodded his agreement and they trooped into the diner. 

“Wow, the Liberty Diner. I haven’t been here since I was nineteen. I wonder if-“

“Sunshine?” Debbie shouted across the crowded space, earning everyone’s attention.

“Never mind.”


	3. Bleeding Emotions

“Sunshine, is that you?” Debbie asked, quickly closing the distance between Justin and herself. Justin shot Daphne a quick nervous smile. He ran his hand through his hair and crossed him arms over his chest in a defensive gesture.

“Hey Deb,” he said brightly. His eyes widened as he realized Debbie was about to engulf him in a hug. His body involuntary tensed and he took a deep breath to try to calm himself as he returned the hug. Debbie felt his body trembling in her grasp and she quickly let him go, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“How long have you been back in town?” Debbie asked. Justin looked around sheepishly, a blush rising to his cheeks.

“A year,” he muttered. 

“What?” Debbie yelled, shocked.

“I moved back a year ago, and I spent that time getting readjusted, and dealing with school. I lost myself in my art. I’m sorry I didn’t come see you. I haven’t seen much of anyone.”

“It’s true,” Daphne added. “He just got back into the dating scene. And I’m forcing him to go out with us on Friday night.”

“Its ok, kiddo. I’m just so glad to see you.” She smiled at him and Justin returned it. He had missed her intensely. She was always there for him when he needed her. But after all that had happened, he just didn’t want to submerge himself back in that world too soon. “Expecting someone?” Daphne turned to face Deb, tearing her eyes from the door.

“No, just wondering who that delicious morsel that held the door open for me was,” Daphne replied.

“Oh, that was another one of my sons. Michael’s best friend, Brian. Sweetest boy you’ll ever meet.” She turned her gaze to Justin. “And you would have met him if you ever came to family dinner or came to the diner other than when you were ditching school.” Justin just shrugged and he and Daphne sat down at the diner to order.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian woke up on Friday morning with a yawn and a stretch. He lay naked in his bed, refusing to open his eyes. His sheets had never felt softer, his blanket had never been warmer, and his pillow had never been more comfortable. He never wanted to move. He shifted and the comforter slipped from his lean body, exposing his muscular back. He moaned in protest as the cold morning air caused goose bumps to rise on his sleep warmed skin. He pulled the blanket up over his body and curled into a little ball. His skin felt hot, even to his own touch. His morning wood was pressed firmly against the sheets and he shifted his hips a little, grinding it into the mattress.

He grumbled to himself as he flipped over onto his back and stared at the rafters. He was in the old house. He slept there most nights, ever since he had earned enough money working at the diner to buy his own bed. The old house did turn out to be two stories. The second story was more of a loft area, and Brian had to use a ladder to get up to it. It was a hassle bringing up each piece of the bed piece by piece, but with the help of his four best friends, he managed to create the bedroom he always wanted.

Brian opened his eyes and looked out the small circular window. The sky was still dark gray, and mist settled among the trees. Brian smiled to himself, knowing he still had a few hours before the alarm on his cell phone went off. He still had no electricity in the house.

He settled back against his bed and let his fingertips dance along his chest and stomach, enjoying the feel of his burning skin beneath his fingers. He outlined his subtle abs before sliding his hand downwards, inching closer to his half flaccid member.

His fingers ran along his shaft, idly tracing the veins. He wrapped his long fingers around his thick cock and lazily began to stroke it to full hardness. Pre-cum bubbled from the slit and he moaned softly, kicking his blankets to the floor. His mind wandered to the blowjob he received in the backseat of his car from a guy he picked up on one of his rare trips to Babylon. He remembered watching his dick slide in and out of the eager mouth. He closed his fist tighter around his aching member and let his thumb glide over his slit. His nerve endings tingled and his body trembled. He was close. He moaned and arched off the bed as he shot his load, his seed coating his fingers and dappling his toned chest. He collapsed back on the bed and caught his breath as he cleaned himself with a tissue from his nightstand. 

He sighed deeply and pulled the comforter back over his panting body. He sunk back into the pillows, a small smile playing across his lips. His eyelids grew heavy and slid shut, leaving him to slip into the dreamy darkness of unconsciousness for a few more hours of sleep.

At eight in the morning, Brian’s cell phone started producing a loud, shrill beep. Over and over. Brian groaned and reached out to silence the offending cell phone. He sat up in bed and stretched, his muscles rippling beneath his golden skin. He got up out of bed and started to climb down the ladder to the main floor of the cold house. Halfway down the ladder he remembered he was dreading today for some reason. Chemistry test. He climbed down a few more rungs. No. Chemistry test _and_ open mic night.

He groaned as he climbed all the way down, his bare feet touching cold hardwood. He ran his fingers through his unruly hair and walked into his small bathroom, thanking whoever was up there that he had hot water. He turned up the hot water in his shower and climbed behind the plain white shower curtain. He stepped under the scalding water and sighed as the heat penetrated his skin and soothed his muscles. He soaped himself up and shampooed his chestnut locks, washing any evidence of dirt down the drain.

He leaned against the wall, letting the hot water beat down on him, caressing him with its intimate touch. The beads of water traveled down his body in thin rivets, pooling on the tile and dying on their way down the drain. Brian sighed and ran his hand over his stomach, soothing the knot that had been there for almost a week. Tonight he would share his secret with dozens of strangers. Tonight he would take a stage for the first time in his life, and all eyes would be on him. He’d pour his heart and soul out through his fingertips and vocal chords, opening himself for all to see. No amount of preparing could ready him for that moment. 

He turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked over to the counter and put his hands on it, leaning all his weight on his arms. He stared into the mirror. He had bought the mirror years ago, as the house had not been equipped with one. The gleaming mirror contrasted with the dirty, rundown walls of the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror, locking eyes with his reflection. His nervousness grew, clawing at his insides like a caged animal. He lowered his head and took several deep breaths, calming himself. He toweled his hair dry and carefully shaved his face with trembling hands.

He exited the bathroom with a sigh and strode over to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of jeans and a slipped into them, forgoing underwear as usual. He pulled a tight red tee on and sat down on the floor to pull on socks and his red high tops. He sighed again as he tied his shoes, hating his feet being anything other than bare. He stood up and climbed back up to his bed to retrieve his cell phone, wallet, and keys. He started his descent down the ladder, dropping to the floor half way down. 

Brian stepped out onto the porch and locked the door with the key from his neck. He started down the narrow trail, worn down by the feet of him and his friends. He breathed in the cool morning air, the breeze ruffling his wet hair. He quickly maneuvered the trail with ease, dodging stray boulders and fallen limbs. As he approached the main house, he rubbed his jaw, soothing a phantom pain that was still lingering from a punch he’d received a few nights earlier. At least it didn’t bruise. 

He pulled open the heavy back door and let himself into the kitchen, where his mother, father, and little sister Claire were sitting around a small table. Neither party acknowledged the other, and Brian bounded up the stairs. He slipped into the bathroom and blow-dried his hair, mussing it up perfectly.

He hurried back down the stairs. His movements in the main house were always very quick and guarded. Every muscle was tense and his eyes were always roaming. He felt like prey being hunted in what was supposed to be his own home. He was the prey, and his father was the predator.

He strode into the kitchen with his back straight and his chin up. He made himself some toast and poured a glass of juice. He stood at the counter with his back to his family and ate his meager breakfast. Suddenly, the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He turned to come face to face with his father.

“Hey Sonny Boy,” Jack muttered smugly. “Too good to eat breakfast with your family?” Brian shook his head. Jack reached out and grabbed Brian’s chin with his grubby fingers. Brian forced himself not to flinch. He narrowed his eyes at his father and knew the old man felt his jaw trembling when he let out a low chuckle. Jack gave Brian a light slap on the cheek and sat back down. Brian let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and closed his eyes, cursing himself for letting the bastard get to him as much as he did.

He grabbed his backpack and walked out the front door, gripping his keys tight in his hand. He got into his beaten up old Jeep and started it up. He rested both hands and his forehead against the steering wheel, feeling the gentle vibrations against his skin. He shook his head and blared his music as he took off towards the school.

In homeroom, all Lindsay could talk about was the upcoming show. It didn’t calm his nerves at all. Chemistry wasn’t much better.

“Ready for tonight, mate?” Graham asked straight off. 

“No,” was Brian’s simple reply.

“You’ll be fabulous,” Michael reassured him. Brian sighed and was actually happy when their teacher handed out the test. It distracted him and his friends from the night’s events and calmed his sense of impending doom.

Economics class was even more boring than usual. The clock ticked on at a snail's pace, pounding into Brian's brain relentlessly. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Brian was restless. He squirmed in his seat, shifting nervously. The night crept ever closer, and he was so nervous he felt sick. The teacher went on in a monotone voice, never showing emotion, never wavering. Brian looked down at the pages of his textbook, the words blurring together as he yawned. Supply and demand didn't interest him; his mind was in a whole other place. 

His forehead was creased with worry lines and he was steadily gnawing on his bottom lip. He was so zoned out that he didn't feel the incessant tapping on his shoulder.

"Brian!" He looked up to see the other students moving about the classroom. The teacher was sitting behind his desk, tapping away on his computer. Brian looked to his left and saw Ally McMasters batting her thick mascara encrusted eyelashes at him. He rolled his eyes. _'Here we go again.'_

"What do you want, Ally?" Brian asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. Ally McMasters made it no secret that she lusted over Brian. She was wearing a short black mini-skirt and a tiny blue tank top, her long platinum blonde hair tumbling down her back. She tapped her manicured nails on the desk and made sure to make her glossy lips look extra plump. She stunk of expensive perfume and Daddy's money. She was fake, conceited, and spoiled rotten. Brian and his friends couldn't stand her.

"Want to be my partner?" Ally asked, licking her lips for emphasis. Brian looked around the room, seeing that everyone else had already been paired up. Four best friends and not a single one of them were in his Economics class. Fucking luck.

"Fine." Ally smiled and moved her desk right up to Brian's, leaning over to look at the textbook, trying to give Brian a good look down her shirt. Brian looked up at the ceiling and shook his head. Brian read the assignment from the board and quickly got to work, scribbling down notes in his binder. He jumped as he felt Ally lean forward and place her hand on his thigh.

"My parents are going out of town this weekend," she whispered. She was so close that Brian felt her hot breath in his ear and he shuddered in disgust. Ally took this as a good sign and leaned in even closer, much to Brian's dismay. "I'm having a party tomorrow night. You should come."

"Sorry. I have plans." He picked up her hand and placed it on the desk and forced a smile at her.

"Well, come over after. I'll be up all night." She placed her hand back on his thigh and ran it upwards towards his groin. He grabbed her hand again and placed it back on her desk yet again. Brian sighed deeply. There was no way he could put up with this for another year.

"No."

"Why not?" She asked, pouting like the spoiled little bitch she was.

"I'm gay," he said flatly, not looking up from his notes. Ally laughed.

"Shut up, Brian. What time are you coming over?"

"Seriously, I'm a big fat queer." Brian tried hard not to smile. The bell rang and he shoved everything in his book bag and strode out of the room. He was all the way out to the grass, taking quick steps to where he met the gang for lunch before he realized Ally was right on his heels. He rolled his eyes for the fiftieth time that day.

"Brian, stop kidding around." Ally giggled and he turned to face her. He smiled wide when he saw Michael approaching over her shoulder. Neither he nor Michael gave a flying fuck about who knew about their sexuality. When Michael walked up to Brian the taller man slung his arm around his shoulders and pulled him close.

"Michael, please tell Ally that I'm a flaming homo." Brian gave Michael a devious smirk that was met with mischievous eyes. Michael turned to face her, his hand running across Brian's taut stomach. 

"It's true. He's as gay as the day is long," Michael replied, holding back a giggle. Ally’s smile faltered and she crossed her arms over her chest, furrowing her brows. When she began to protest Brian pulled Michael into a kiss, just letting his lips linger on his for a long moment. Ally let out a frustrated growl and spun around on her heels, stomping off in the opposite direction. Michael looked up into Brian's eyes with a mock expression of pure adoration. "Why Brian, I had no idea!" Brian laughed and playfully pushed him away.

The two boys turned and came face to face with their three snickering friends. They all sat down in their usual spot, relaxing in the shade of the old oak. Juliana lay down and rested her head in Graham’s lap. He instinctively ran his fingers through her soft hair. Michael pulled two small Tupperware containers from his bag and passed one to Brian. He peeled off the lid to reveal Debbie’s spaghetti. He took a fork from Michael and dug in.

“So it looks like you don’t have to deal with Slutty McSkank anymore, Bri,” Graham commented as his fingertip idly traced his girlfriend’s cheekbone and jaw line. They all laughed at the familiar nickname for the annoying cheerleader.

“Thank god,” Brian replied.

“I can’t stand her.” Lindsay shook her head and took a bite out of her green apple.

“I second that,” Juliana added as she clasped her fingers with Graham’s. Brian watched the happy couple, wondering when he would find someone.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t know what to wear, Daph!” Justin called from his bedroom. Daphne wandered in and leaned against the doorframe.

“What you’re wearing now would be sure to impress,” she said flatly. Justin looked down. He was clad only in a pair of black boxer briefs.

“Very funny. Seriously, help me.”

“Justin, it’s not the Academy Awards.” She walked over to his closet and pulled out a gorgeous baby blue sweater and a pair of black cargo pants. “Ta da! Now get dressed. We’ll be late.”

Justin rolled his eyes as Daphne flopped down onto his bed. He quickly pulled on the clothes she had selected and surveyed himself in the mirror. Even he had to admit, he looked good. He fixed his blonde hair and sat down to pull on his shoes. Just then, there was a knock on the door.

“That’s Emmett!” Daphne jumped up and Justin followed her. Justin pulled grabbed his wallet and slipped it into his back pocket as Daphne opened the door and ushered Emmett inside. “Hello gorgeous!”

“Oh Daph, you’re too kind. And look at you!” He took her hand and twirled her around. “You look fabulous! All those straight boys are lucky.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. Justin turned and smiled at him. “Hey Jus, you look hot!”

“Thanks, Em. You too.” 

“Well are you kids ready to hit the club?” They nodded and they trooped out of the apartment.

They walked into Transitions a little before seven, which was when the show was set to start. The club was small and trendy, a sea of tables with a bar in the middle that served everything from cappuccino to Beam. A stage took up the back wall, raised about three feet from the ground.

Justin hung back behind his two friends. Emmett frequented the club often and seemed to know everyone. He made his way to a table near the front where four teenagers were sitting. 

“Well if it isn’t my favorite club kids!” Emmett greeted them. They all looked up at the flamboyant man and smiled. A guy with black and purple hair stood up and gave Emmett a hug.

“Hey mate, how goes it?” 

“Just dandy. I want you guys to meet my friends. This is Justin and Daphne.” He gestured to the two and stood between them. “Guys, this is Graham and his gorgeous girlfriend Juliana, and this is Michael, and our resident artist Lindsay. Justin is an artist, too.” Justin blushed and they all nodded to each other. Emmett turned back towards Graham. “Where’s your Irish counterpart?”

“You’ll never believe it,” Graham told him. “He’s backstage. He’s going to play!”

“No! You’re shitting me.”

“I shit you not, mate. Poor bloke, though. He’s got the jitters like I’ve never seen.” At that moment, the lights dimmed and a girl with blue hair and a little black dress walked on stage. Emmett, Justin, and Daphne sat down at the empty table next to Graham’s.

“Hey ladies and gents,” the announcer started. “Transitions is please to welcome you to our first ever open mic night. We have a lot of talent here tonight, and we hope you all enjoy.” She announced the first act. Four guys dragged their instruments on stage to set them up.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian paced back and forth, biting his thumbnail. The band on stage wailed on, the music pounding into Brian’s brain. His guitar hung from his back by a black leather strap. The neck of the beloved instrument caressed his left shoulder and the base of the guitar was a comfortable and familiar weight against the back of his firm thighs. His heart was pounding so hard that he could feel it. Blood rushed behind his eyes, pulsing in his ears.

The fear he felt was overwhelming and complete. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t. 

He had to.

He was sick of always backing down. He wanted to do something that would make or break him, for once. He wanted to stand up and shout “Fuck you!” to all his fears.

He swung his guitar around to the front and strummed each string, making sure it was in tune for the hundredth time. He took several deep breaths; he gulped down a bottle of water. Nothing helped. His nerves were frazzled. His hands were shaking so badly he could barely put the cap back on the water bottle, let alone hold a pick.

He leaned against the cool brick wall and closed his eyes, willing himself to relax. A few more acts took the stage, playing their hearts out. It was all background noise to Brian’s thrashing heart.

“Next up we have someone very beloved to us here at Transitions. He’s here all the time, and we just adore him.”

Brian opened his eyes and took a few steps forward to look out from side stage. Megs was making his introduction. It was time. His knees felt like jelly and his throat went dry.

“Here he is making his performance debut, Brian Kinney!”

Brian stood there for a few seconds, steeling himself. Finally, he walked out onstage, keeping his eyes locked on Megs. Once he reached her she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Brian smiled and took a seat on the stool provided for him. He adjusted the microphone to his height and took a deep breath before raising his eyes to the crowd. The light was blinding, making most of the crowd silhouettes. He looked to the front row and smiled as his friends cheered and clapped. He scanned to the right and his eyes landed on a man with blonde hair and breathtaking blue eyes. 

When the man looked up and blue eyes met hazel ones, he forgot he was nervous.

He forgot he was on stage at all.


	4. Bleeding Emotions

Justin looked up and locked eyes with the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He ached to run his fingers through the chestnut hair and trace his sharp, chiseled features. He had a bone structure that Michelangelo would have marveled over. He was dressed in a tight black tee under a black velvet blazer, a pair of faded 501’s hugging his long legs. He looked like a god disguised as a rock star. Justin was vaguely aware of his jaw dropping open, but he was frozen by the image before him.

Brian sat down on the stool and adjusted the microphone. Suddenly Justin was startled out of his trance by Emmett and the four people he had just introduced to them jumping up and cheering. Surely this couldn’t be who they were referring to, he thought. Justin’s gaze traveled back to Brian and he leaned slightly towards Daphne when he felt her tap his shoulder.

“That’s the Brian Debbie was talking about. I saw him at the diner the other day. The Michael we just met must be her son,” Daphne exclaimed. Her eyes joined Justin’s on Brian’s elegant face. “He’s gorgeous.”

“Small world,” Justin replied. He looked up to see a smiling Brian scanning the crowd, squinting against the harsh spotlight. His smile faltered slightly when he locked eyes with him.

Brian stared down at the gorgeous blond in the front row, sitting so close to all his friends. He looked so small and frail, but his intense eyes reflected strength and determination. He was oddly fascinated by the blond and found it hard to pull his eyes away. His honey blonde hair framed his face, pieces tucked behind his seashell ears. Brian’s smile spread across his lips again, and Justin blushed and offered up a smile of his own. It blinded Brian more than the spotlight.

Suddenly he remembered where he was. Onstage, with his guitar in his lap and a microphone within inches of his lips. He licked his lips nervously and leaned forward a little, one eye still trained on the blond.

“Hey guys. I’m Brian Kinney. Most of you blokes know me, but not like this. This is my first time playing in front a large audience, so be gentle.” He gave a little chuckle and people applauded once more.

He cleared his throat and played a few notes, before opening his mouth to sing. Suddenly he stopped, earning curious glances from the crowd. He placed his arm on his guitar and looked back to Justin. He raised an eyebrow and sucked his lips into his mouth for a second. He furrowed his brows again and smirked in his direction, as if the blond was an old friend that he was confused to see.

“I had a song in mind walking on stage,” Brian stated. “But I’ve suddenly changed my mind.” He glanced around the room, raising an eyebrow in amusement. “This new song is called Love Song for No One, and I wrote it for someone I haven’t even met yet. Who knows, maybe I even wrote it for one of you.” His eyes landed hard on Justin at that, and the blond blushed. It was Brian’s turn to blush when several girls cheered. He laughed and scanned the crowd once more before returning his gaze to Justin. “I hope you like it.”

Justin returned the intense gaze strongly. The look the brunet was giving him made him nervous, confused him, and turned him on all at the same time. The Irish accent Brian spoke in made every word travel straight down his spine to his groin.

“Isn’t that accent sexy?” Daphne sighed. He could only nod his head in agreement. His eyes were glued to Brian as if he were a dream, unattainable. He stared openly, as if he would disappear if he dared to look away.

Brian kept his eyes on Justin as he began to play. The notes flowed from his fingertips gracefully, beautiful tones filling the large space. He closed his eyes and gulped before he started to sing, a nervous habit he performed whenever he had an audience. __

Staying home alone on a Friday  
Flat on the floor looking back  
On old love  
Or lack thereof  
After all the crushes are faded  
And all my wishful thinking was wrong  
I'm jaded  
I hate it 

Brian opened his eyes as he played towards the chorus. All eyes were on him, the gazes making him nervous yet exhilarating him all at the same time. He decided he liked being the center of everyone’s little world. He looked down at his guitar for a moment, before taking a deep breath and looking back at the mysterious blond. He didn’t know why he found him so intriguing. He just knew that when he looked at him, he felt a pull in the pit of his stomach. It was that sensation that made him choose this song. There was the inkling of a feeling that maybe, just _maybe_ , he wrote this song for him.

He was glad to see that the blond didn’t seem in any hurry to stop staring back at him either. __

I’m tired of being alone  
So hurry up and get here  
So tired of being alone  
So hurry up and get here

Justin watched the brunet with great interest. He was beautiful, his playing was beautiful, his voice was beautiful, and the words he was singing, well, those were beautiful too. __

Searching all my days just to find you  
Not sure who I’m looking for  
I’ll know it when I see you  
Until then I’ll just hide in my bedroom  
Staying up all night just to write  
A love song, for no one

Brian gazed at Justin longingly as he played. Somewhere deep down, Justin knew the song was for him. He felt the lyrics tug at his heartstrings. Brian’s voice was so intense, so amazing. His voice was deep and raw, emanating from his throat with passion and intensity. He sounded so sexy. Justin knew he could never get tired of listening to him. He watched Brian’s strawberry lips as they moved, then lifted his gaze to meet Brian’s hazel eyes. There was something so strong in those eyes, and it was directed right at him. __

I’m tired of being alone  
So hurry up and get here  
So tired of being alone  
So hurry up and get here

Brian felt the pull in his stomach spread through his whole body, linking him to the blond in a way he couldn’t explain. Justin felt it, too. He had an overwhelming desire to run on stage and kiss the life out of him. Somehow he didn’t think that would be very appreciated. __

Could have met you in a sandbox  
I could have passed you on the sidewalk  
Could I have missed my chance  
And watched you walk away? 

Justin listened intently, his heart fluttering against his ribcage. Brian was singing to him, he just knew it. His voice dropped a little, and he began to sing in a hopeful, pleading tone. __

You’ll be so good  
You’ll be so good for me  
Oh, oh I know you’ll be so good  
For me  
For me

Brian played the last few notes and lowered his guitar. He held his gaze with Justin, biting his bottom lip softly, like he was wondering what Justin thought. Justin stared right back into his eyes. Both men wore strange expressions, reflecting their confusion, fear, and excitement. Brian was startled out of his trance by cheers and applause. He broke his gaze with the blond and stood up, a smile playing across his lips and a deep blush rising up from his collar. He swept his eyes across the crowd, surprised to see them all standing. He said a quick “thank you” into the microphone.

Once Brian broke the gaze with him, Justin quickly jumped up and clapped until his hands were screaming at him to stop. Daphne looked over at him, surprised by the wide grin on his face. Her eyes widened when Justin put two fingers in his mouth and let out a loud whistle.

The applause died down and Brian started to walk off the stage. He paused and looked over his shoulder at the blond, who was nodding at something his friend was saying and still watching him. He smiled softly when Brian locked eyes with him again. He turned his eyes away from the man that caused the pull in his stomach.

The man he knew he had to meet.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Holy shit!” Emmett exclaimed to the crowd, clapping his hands together excitedly. “Brian was so fabulous! I had no idea he could even play, let alone play like that. He looked so sexy!”

“I know. He’s so hot,” Daphne added, biting her bottom lip. 

“He’s also so gay,” Emmett added, not so helpfully. Daphne merely sighed.

“Of course he is. He’s talented, has a hot accent, an even hotter body, and is gorgeous as sin. Why wouldn’t he be?” Justin leaned forward, a little more interested in the conversation. His gaydar had started pinging like crazy the second Brian walked on stage, but it was nice to have it confirmed. “And I bet he has a gorgeous boyfriend and they’re completely beautiful together and all girls fall to the floor in spontaneous orgasm as soon as they walk into a room.”

“Daphne is a little bitter about the whole ‘all the best guys are gay’ thing,” Emmett told them. Daphne crossed her arms and sat back in her chair. Justin smiled and patted her shoulder.

“Nope, Brian is single. Always has been,” Lindsay offered. Justin’s ears perked up.

“I can’t believe a gorgeous creature like that is still single,” Emmett said, shaking his head as if it were a crime.

“Why Em, aren’t you sweet?” All seven heads turned to see Brian standing there with a huge smile on his face. He could feel his friends practically vibrating in their seats so he rolled his eyes and stretched his arms out, beckoning them forward with his tongue in cheek smirk.

Lindsay, Michael, Graham, and Juliana all jumped up, squealing with delight. They all engulfed Brian in a group hug, practically lifting him off of the floor. He laughed and relaxed in the embrace, thinking that nothing could come close to that feeling. He felt loved, accepted, jubilant, gleeful, wonderful, and every other word for happy in the thesaurus. It was made even better when he caught pretty blonde boy smiling at him over Graham’s shoulder.

His overly excited friends pulled away and reclaimed their seats. Everyone was all smiles, and that plus the rush he had gotten from playing put him in a particularly good and playful mood. He dropped into the only empty seat at the two tables, right next to pretty blonde boy. He blushed, and Brian smiled. The group worked to push the tables together. The next act came up and started to set up their instruments.

“Who are the new additions?” Brian asked, gesturing to the girl and who he was quickly growing accustomed to referring to as pretty blonde boy. Emmett nearly choked on his drink as he jumped up to answer.

“Where are my manners? Well, this is my gorgeous fag hag, Daphne.” She shook her head and smacked Emmett on the arm.

“It’s so nice to meet you. You were really great up there.” Brian took her proffered hand and shook it.

“You’re too kind.” 

“And this delectable little morsel over here,” he stood behind Justin and placed his hands on his shoulders, “is Justin.”

“Justin,” Brian repeated, tasting the name on his lips as if it were a delicious wine. The two boys locked eyes once more, silence washing over the table. They stared at each other shamelessly, and the rest of the group did little to hide their amused smirks. Brian shook his head and smiled widely. “Justin, it’s so great to meet you.”

He turned his chair towards Justin, and the blond did the same thing. Their knees brushed together as they shook hands. The both felt a jolt of fiery electricity run through their bodies, scorching their hearts. Their hands fit together perfectly, Brian’s long fingers sliding lazily across the back of Justin’s hand. Brian looked down at their entwined hands, noting the contrast of their skin colors, the neatness of Justin’s fingernails, and the callus that marked in inside of his middle finger, creating a perfect inlay for a pen or pencil. Slowly and with a hint of regret, they released each other’s hands, but not their gaze or the strong hold they seemed to have on each other.

“Likewise,” Justin managed to mumble out. His lips protested the word, as all they wanted to do was taste Brian’s lips. Soon the rest of the group rolled their eyes and abandoned the pair, falling into their own conversation. The lights dimmed and the band started up, a fast paced tune with a lead singer that liked to scream.

Brian and Justin were oblivious. They couldn’t stop looking at each other, couldn’t form words, couldn’t breathe.

“Look at them,” Daphne stated with a laugh. “They’ve gone retarded over each other.”

* * *

**AN:** The song Brian sings is _Love Song for No One_ by John Mayer. I’m not creative enough to write lyrics, so I stole them. :) No copyright infringement was intended.


	5. Bleeding Emotions

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure neither of them have moved in the past twenty minutes,” Juliana grinned. “We may have to intervene.”

“You’re right,” Graham smirked. He gave Juliana a quick kiss and then leaned towards Brian. “Hey!” No response. “Brian look, its Angelina Jolie! Wait, that won’t work. He’s a cigarette. It’s, um, Brad Pitt!” Nothing. “Ah, I give up.”

“A cigarette?” Daphne asked, looking puzzled.

“Yeah, I’m from London. So to me, a fag is a cigarette. Brian came out when we were fourteen, and I was new to this country, by telling us that he was a fag. I was bloody confused. It’s been an inside joke ever since,” Graham replied. Daphne and Emmett nodded.

Michael got a devious gleam in his eyes as he looked at the back of Brian’s head. He snatched a bunch of flyers and crumpled them up into a tight little ball. He caught everyone’s attention as he aimed, sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. He took his shot, throwing the little ball hard at the back of Brian’s head. It bounced off his skull and rolled under a nearby table with a crinkle. Brian gave no response. They all stared in disbelief.

A few moments later, Brian broke his gaze with Justin and whipped around in his chair. He couldn’t shake the dreamy look out of his eyes.

“You say something, mate?” Brian asked. The whole group broke into a fit of laughter. Brian looked back to Justin, as if the starry-eyed blonde could tell him what he missed.

Justin shrugged and flashed one of his dazzling smiles. Brian leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his messy hair.

“Where’s Gizmo?” Graham asked.

“In the back,” Brian sighed, blinking owlishly to clear his thoughts.

“Who’s Gizmo?” Justin asked.

“The love of Brian’s life,” Lindsay replied. Justin looked crestfallen.

“I thought you said he was single,” Justin blurted out before he could stop himself. A blush rose to his cheeks and Brian laughed.

“Ah, sharing details of me personal life now, are we?” Brian asked with his trademark smirk and raised eyebrow. Lindsay just laughed.

“In Ireland, gizmo is slang for guitar,” Graham explained. “That’s we named Brian’s beloved instrument.”

“That’s adorable!” Emmett exclaimed. Brian gave him a warning glare. “I mean, sexy, rugged, _masculine._ ” Brian chuckled and slung his arm around Em’s shoulders. 

An hour later, all eight of them were talking happily amongst themselves. Daphne and Emmett surprised their underage companions with beers from the bar. Brian stood up and stretched, his long body extending itself beautifully. A tantalizing strip of bronzed flesh was revealed as his shirt crawled up his toned abs. Justin shifted in his seat.

“I’m going to step outside and have meself a fag.” The group looked up at him questionably and he quickly amended himself. “A cigarette. Curse that bleeding word.”

“All right, and if you find the other kind of fag send him in here to me,” Emmett drawled.

“I could go for a smoke,” Justin said as he rose out of his seat, smoothing his sweatshirt over his young, taut stomach. “Care if I join you?” Brian gave him a quick once over and smiled.

“Course not. C’mon.” He cocked his head towards the door and the two boys walked towards it together, shoulders brushing together. Once they were out of sight, Daphne leaned forward. 

“We have to get them together!”

“Oh I know. They’re already crazy about each other. You can tell,” Emmett added.

“It would be nice to see Brian with somebody. He’s been so sad lately,” said Graham.

“The only problem is,” Daphne paused. “Justin is really skittish around relationships, or the thought of them. He’s never really had one, and he’s terrified of letting anyone close.”

“Why? What happened?” Michael asked. Emmett and Daphne exchanged worried glances.

“We can’t tell you that,” Emmett stated. “Something happened to him in our senior year of high school and it really fucked up his life. He hasn’t really been the same since. But I think Brian may be just what he needs.”

“I see,” Juliana offered, tapping her bottom lip thoughtfully.

“I think Brian is scared of relationships, too,” Lindsay added. “He wants to be loved, but he’s scared of getting hurt. The only love he’s ever known is the love we’ve shown him.”

“But what about that song?” Daphne asked. “It sounded like he was looking for a relationship.”

“He is,” Michael responded. “But not with just anybody.”

“I think Justin can be that somebody,” Emmett smiled. The rest of the gang nodded in agreement.

“Ok. So how do we get them together? Daphne asked, a gleam in her eye. The gang eyed her dubiously. “What? It’s our duty as loyal best friends to meddle in their personal lives!”

“I agree,” Emmett stated, placing his hand over his chest. “I butt in because I care.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin watched as Brian strode purposefully out of the large double doors. He looked left, then right. Justin watched the way his shaggy hair hung gracefully in his beautiful eyes. Justin ached to sketch him. He looked down as he dug through his pockets, searching for his cigarettes. He pulled one from the pack and placed it between his lips.

Suddenly, he felt Brian’s hand on his hip, so strong and warm and _there._ “C’mon,” Brian whispered in his ear, his breath hot and taunting. Brian led him away from the crowd of people and the cloud of smoke lingering over them. He grabbed Justin’s belt loop and led him down an empty alley, leading him to the eerie glow of a single streetlight half way down. The only noise was the pounding of his heart.

Brian let go out Justin’s hip and the blond momentarily mourned the loss. Then he watched Brian lean against the gritty wall, the glow from the dim streetlight making shadows play over his gorgeous features. Justin memorized the picture, fingers twitching with need. He wanted to see Brian’s face etched in charcoal, smudged and dark and _beautiful._ He knew he would be up until dawn, sketching this beautiful specimen until his hand cramped and begged him to stop.

Brian reached into the pocket of his velvet jacket, pulling out a crumpled plastic bag. He looked up and down the alley and opened it, extracting a joint. He looked up at Justin, the cigarette still hanging from those perfect lips. He reached out and took the smoke from Justin’s mouth and slid it into the pocket of his jeans.

“You won’t be needing that,” Brian said with a smirk, his voice low and rough. His accent made his voice even sexier to Justin, who gulped as he spoke. He slipped the tip of the joint between his delicate lips. “I share.”

“Lucky me,” Justin grinned, eyeing the joint longingly. Brian pulled a silver lighter from his pocket and flicked it open, the orange flame making shadows dance on their chilled skin. He brought it to the end of the joint and lit it, the off white paper crackling as he inhaled. He took it between his fingers and tilted his head upwards as he exhaled the smoke. Justin watched closely, taking in the elegant slope of his long neck, the way he puckered his lips as he blew the gray smoke out slowly. Both pairs of eyes were trained on the wispy tendrils until they dissipated into nothing. 

Brian began to extend his arm, as if he was going to offer the joint to Justin. He gave a wicked smile and brought the joint back to his own lips, taking a deep drag. He held the smoke in for a long while before blowing it out into the sky once more.

“So, Justin. Tell me about yourself.” He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, the joint hanging dangerously from his fingertips. His hazel eyes bore deep into Justin’s blue ones, and the blond found himself nervous under the scrutiny.

“Well, um.” He ran his fingers through his silky hair, absently noticing how long it was getting. He tucked the blond strands behind his hears before continuing. “My name is Justin Taylor. I’m twenty-two years old. I just started my senior year at Carnegie Mellon.” He brought his fingers to his lips, chewing nervously on his thumbnail.

“You’re an artist,” Brian said calmly. Justin scrunched up his nose in confusion.

“How did you know that?”

“You have paint stains on your fingers.” He uncrossed his arms and took one of the smaller hands in his, bringing it up to the light. He ran his thumb along the indigo stains, a souvenir from a painting recently finished. Justin blushed from the contact of their hands, both boys feeling something like electricity surging through their veins.

“Oh,” Justin laughed nervously as Brian released his hand. “Yeah, I’d like to think I am.”

“That’s good. Art is an amazing thing to lose yourself in,” Brian said thoughtfully. He took another drag from the joint. Justin vaguely wondered when he was going to share. 

“Very true. You were amazing in there, though. Mesmerizing.”

“Mesmerizing?” Brian repeated with a deep chuckle. “That’s a new one. Thanks.” Brian looked into the pools of blue for a long time before motioning the blonde forward. “Come here.” He grabbed his shoulder and pulled him forward until they were toe to toe. Justin felt something like fear, but more like excitement, rise up in his throat. Brian took a deep drag from the joint and held it in his lungs, leaning slowly forward. He pulled the joint away from his mouth and moved until his soft lips brushed against Justin’s slightly. Once he made that slight contact, he blew the smoke from his lungs into Justin’s mouth. He inhaled deeply, his skin buzzing from the feeling of Brian’s lips on his, even if it was merely a brushing of skin.

Brian pulled away and Justin held the smoke in for a second before looking up at the sky and letting it out. Brian watched the smoke escape those beautiful boy lips, his face looking far too young to be doing so. Justin licked his lower lip, a mere flick of the tongue across cherry skin. Brian watched the tip of the bubblegum pink tongue closely, and licked his own lips in response. 

“I like the way you share,” Justin replied dreamily. Brian smiled and turned the joint around in his mouth to blow the blond a proper shotgun. Justin felt those lips briefly touch his again and inhaled, his lungs filling with smoke. Brian pulled away all too soon and watched as this blond angel held the smoke in as long as he could before exhaling into the misty night air.

Brian leaned back against the dingy bricks again, his lips turned up in a smirk. Justin’s eyes glazed over as the drugs took affect. Brian also felt himself finally relax.

“So, Justin Taylor, what else should I know about you?”

“What do you want to now?” Justin asked in a flirty tone.

“Anything you want me to know,” Brian drawled, taking another lazy drag.

“Well, my favorite movie is Fight Club. Well, that’s second to The Yellow Submarine, but I don’t usually tell people that.”

“I am Jack’s genuine surprise. Fight Club is number one on my list, too. Can’t say that I’ve seen the other one though.”

“It’s the best. So, Brian Kinney, what should I know about you?” Justin boldly took the joint from Brian’s fingers and popped it in his mouth backwards. He lifted onto his toes to reach Brian’s lips, pinning the taller boy’s hands to the dirty wall behind him. Brian parted his lips slightly as Justin blew him a shotgun. Brian closed his eyes as he took it all in. The feeling of Justin’s plump lips brushing against his own in a teasing caress, the smoke burning it’s way down his throat, the hands clutching to his own, pinning them in place against the rough brick.

Justin pulled away, still holding Brian’s hands in place. The brunet opened his eyes and stared right into Justin’s as he exhaled the smoke into the sky. It was all so breathtaking, intense, _erotic._

“Wow,” Brian breathed softly. “That’s so fucking hot.” Justin smiled and released his hands, taking the joint from between his lips and flicking the ashes to the ground. He held the remaining bit of the joint between two fingers. Both boys willed their erections down, which was no easy task as they kept their eyes locked on each other.

“You were about to tell me about yourself, Brian Kinney.” The brunet smirked, feeling a surge of respect for the blond in front of him.

“Well, I just turned eighteen. I’m a senior at East. I play the guitar. There’s not too much to know.”

“I’m sure there’s much more below the surface,” Justin said softly.

“I guess you’ll just have to dig a little deeper and find out,” Brian challenged. They shared a smile.

“That accent will be the death of me, that I’m sure of,” Justin laughed, taking another drag from the joint, feeling the warmth between his fingers, signaling the end of the joint was near. He handed it over to Brian, who took it and took one last long drag before flicking the rest to the ground, crushing it under his shoe. He held the smoke in his lungs and pulled Justin close again, one arm draped over each shoulder. They touched lips once more, this time just a little firmer. Brian exhaled the smoke, and his breath, from his lungs into Justin’s, the act so intimate, so arousing. Justin held the smoke in deep before turning his head to the side and releasing it.

He turned back to Brian, the taller boy resting his forehead against his, blonde strands mingling with chestnut. Their lips were so close, so hot. It all felt so _right._


	6. Bleeding Emotions

**AN:** Thanks to Nisey for being my muse and staying up until the wee hours with me. Thanks to Kami for ensuring me that this story is as loved as Through the Rain is. Thanks to all my girls for being awesome. Now please, read and review. :)

* * *

Brian leaned his head down, letting his lips flutter against Justin’s neck. He worked his way up slowly, taking time to reach his goal. The blond rutted against him, his breathing increasing. Brian’s lips caressed the length of Justin’s jawbone, creating the perfect combination of kisses, sucks, and nibbles. He kissed the corner of that perfect, pouty mouth and pulled away slowly.

He looked into his blue eyes, watching as they shifted to indigo with lust. Brian licked his lips, his eyes darting back and forth from his lips to his eyes. His jeans grew uncomfortably tight and he ran one hand up Justin’s side as his other hand rested against the wall near the blond mop of hair, effectively pinning the shorter man in place. 

The long, elegant fingers, strong from years of playing the guitar, snaked their way under Justin’s soft sweater. Brian sighed deeply as he got his first feel of Justin’s silky skin. The blond closed his eyes and whimpered as Brian’s hand traveled higher, his lips moving ever closer to Justin’s.

The tip of one callused finger brushed the tight nub of Justin’s right nipple, producing a low moan from the blond. His hands were straight at his sides; he was frozen by this taller, younger boy’s ministrations on his trembling body. He leaned in even closer. Justin could smell the menthol of the lip balm on his lips, could feel the harsh night air freezing the patches of skin where Brian left the substance on his neck and jaw. His breath smelled of mint gum, cheap beer, and _him._

Brian’s lips brushed against his, _finally._ He applied pressure, almost creating an actual kiss. Justin felt his heart pound against his chest and his dick rub uncomfortably against the material of his cargoes. He closed his eyes, ready for the kiss of his life.

Then the harsh giggle of a teenage girl broke through the intense haze. Brian stepped away from Justin quickly, looking up the alley to inspect the sound. Towards the entrance of the alley, a young boy had an even younger girl pressed against the wall and was placing sloppy kisses on any area he could reach. Brian chuckled and shook his head, his hair brushing against Justin’s cheek.

“Well, I think the moment has been efficiently ruined,” Brian muttered against Justin’s earlobe. He took the flesh between his teeth and nipped at it, and then licked it to soothe the sting. Justin groaned in disappointment as Brian pushed off of the wall and away from him. He grabbed Justin’s belt loop again and pulled him back towards the entrance of the club. He scoffed as he passed the fumbling teens. “Fucking teenagers. I don’t see how anyone puts up with them.”

The wink Brian gave him over his shoulder did nothing to calm his raging hard-on.

All that in the alley, and they didn’t even kiss. And that just made it even hotter. All the close calls, near misses. It made Justin want to taste those soft lips even more.

Brian sauntered back into the club, oozing confidence. Justin followed close behind, staring at Brian’s ass. When they reached the table, the group stopped talking immediately. Brian dropped back into his chair and eyed them all suspiciously, one elegant eyebrow rising poignantly towards his hairline.

“What?” Brian asked, eyeing Justin as he dropped into the seat next to him.

“Nothing,” Michael responded quickly.

“You guys were gone for a long time,” Emmett noted. “That must have been some fag.”

Brian’s tongue found the inside of his cheek and he stole a glance at Justin, who was tugging on a strand of his golden hair and staring off into space. Brian dug into the pocket of his blazer and pulled out a small jar of lip balm and applied some with the tip of his finger before putting it back in his pocket. Daphne looked over at Justin, and the stretch of his neck, noticing the oval shaped shiny spots on his pale skin. She could barely contain her giggle.

Graham leaned forward, inspecting Brian’s face. The brunet jumped when he noticed Graham within inches of his face. He furrowed his brow at his friend’s intense scrutiny.

“You’re bloody stoned!” Graham exclaimed. He then moved over to give the same treatment to Justin, taking in his eyes. “So are you! Wankers, not offering me any.” He dropped back into his seat and crossed his arms in mock offense. Juliana rolled her eyes and put her head on his shoulder.

“It’s getting late,” Emmett stated as he stood up and stretched. “I’m ready to blow this pop stand. How about you kids?” A murmur of agreement passed along the group of friends. Chair legs scraped against linoleum as the group stood up and headed towards the exit. Brian slipped backstage to grab his guitar, slinging it around his back before jogging forward to rejoin the group. Once outside, they all turned to Brian.

“You were really great tonight, and it was even better meeting you,” Daphne offered. 

“Really top notch, mate,” Graham said as he punched Brian playfully in the shoulder. The rest of the group offered compliments and Brian accepted them, a blush rising to his cheeks. 

The gang engaged in idle chitchat, leaving Brian and Justin to themselves in their slightly altered state. Brian took a step towards Justin and placed his hands on the blond’s hips. Justin looked up at the brunet longingly as his ran his strong hands down the front of his pants, one hand over each pocket. He smirked at Justin as his hands continued back over his hips. He slowly slid his hand into the blond’s back pocket, his fingers grasping onto his goal.

He pulled the small silver cell phone from Justin’s pocket and flipped it open, leaving Justin bewildered. He chuckled as Justin mumbled something about him being an “evil tease” and started pressing buttons on the cell phone. Justin watched with peaked interest, but did nothing to retrieve the phone from the younger man. After a few minutes and a lot of button pressing, Brian handed the phone over, still open. Justin brought the glowing screen up to his face and read the display. _Brian._

Brian wondered vaguely why he couldn’t breathe when Justin smiled.

“That was a lot of button pressing just to put your number in,” Justin stated. Brian merely shrugged and smiled coyly. Justin felt his heart skip a beat. Around everyone else Brian seemed to ooze confidence, but around him he seemed almost _shy._

“Time to go, blondie,” Daphne sing songed. She and Emmett appeared at Justin’s side while the rest of the gang flanked Brian. “Brian, do I get a goodnight kiss?” Daphne asked with a fluttering of eyelashes. Brian stepped forward and placed a soft, short kiss on Daphne’s lips. She giggled with delight. Brian turned to face Justin, rolling his lips into his mouth.

“You want one too, _blondie_?” Before Justin had any time to respond, Brian grabbed the collar of his sweater and pulled him in for a searing kiss. The taller boy’s lips sought out Justin’s and crashed against them. The blond leaned into him and moaned into the kiss as Brian’s tongue asked permission to enter his mouth by sliding across his front teeth. Justin eagerly accepted the intrusion and his tongue dueled with Brian’s. His lips felt bruised, and his knees felt weak. It was passionate, intense, fucking _perfect._

Brian pulled his lips away rested his forehead against the blond’s. Both boys were panting, gazing at each other through half lidded eyes. Brian’s arms were resting on the shorter man’s shoulders, and Justin brought his hands up and grasped his strong forearms.

“Wow,” Daphne sighed. “That was like a movie kiss.” Brian turned his head to the side and smiled at her, the corners of his lips turning up to create something beautiful. Justin placed a soft kiss on his cheek and they interlocked their fingers as they pulled away from each other. Their fingers clutched to each other desperately for a moment before falling away from each other completely. 

“Later.” From Brian’s lips, it was the utter of a promise Justin hoped he’d keep.

“Later.” Justin smiled as Brian turned around and headed off towards his car, two best friends on either side. Justin let out a trembling sigh and watched as they disappeared around a corner. 

Emmett and Daphne turned towards the happy, smiling young man that stood in the place of their usually scowling friend.

“Dear lord,” Emmett exclaimed. “What _exactly_ happened in that alley?”

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face as he pulled his keys from the pocket of his jeans. Graham jumped in front of him and started walking backwards two steps ahead of him, a smug smile on his face.

“What’d you do in the alley, mate?”

“Fuck off,” Brian replied with a laugh.

“Oh come on, were you two snogging? You left your fruity lip balm all over his neck.” Brian stopped and glared at him. 

“It’s not _fruity_. It’s medicated.” Graham rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. What’d you do?”

“We shared a joint. Shot gunned it mostly. And yeah, I kissed his neck. But that was it. You guys witnessed our first kiss.” The last two words were dripping with sarcasm, but he couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice.

“He’s so cute, Brian,” Juliana added, walking backwards with Graham. “Don’t you think he’s cute?”

“Brian doesn’t do cute,” Michael grinned, adding to the line of people walking backwards in front of Brian. “But he was hot as hell, right Brian?”

“I’d fuck him and I’m into pussy,” Lindsay offered, walking backwards next to Michael. Brian shook his head and laughed.

“Hell, maybe with the right music and just the right amount of alcohol, I might even fuck him too,” Graham joked, the laughter dancing in his eyes.

“I hope one of you trip and fall,” Brian muttered, even as the blush rose to his cheeks and his smile grew even wider.

~~~~~~~~~~

Daphne stole a glance over at Justin as she drove towards his apartment to drop him off. He was grinning madly, his arms crossed over his chest. He sighed dreamily and closed his eyes. Emmett leaned forward and shared a look with Daphne. He then poked Justin in the shoulder, causing the blond to open his eyes and look over at them.

“What?”

“What happened in the alley?” Daphne asked, shifting her gaze back and forth from his face to the road. His cheeks immediately turned crimson. “Tell us.”

“We talked and shared a joint. Oh my god. He kept blowing me shotguns and it was the sexiest thing ever. I almost came in my pants.”

“Oh baby,” Emmett laughed. “What else did you do?”

“That’s just it. We never even kissed. After we finished the joint, he started kissing my neck like he was going to, and he was about to kiss me. Then these kids came in and fucked it up. Fuckers. But oh he’s so gorgeous.”

“He is that,” Daphne added, chuckling as Justin let out what could only be described as a giddy squeal. 

“Oh man, and that _kiss._ Did you see that kiss? I’ve never felt anything like that. He’s an amazing kisser.” He sighed again, the smile refusing to leave his face. Daphne caught Emmett’s eye in the rearview mirror and winked. She pulled up in front of his building and Justin leaned over and kissed her cheek.

“Bye guys!” Justin called as he slipped out of the passenger seat and practically floated to the door. Emmett slipped into the front seat and the two friends watched happily as Justin walked into his front door. They looked over at each other and high fived, sharing a smile before Daphne pulled away from the curb.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Someone has a _crush_.”

“Do not.”

“Do too.”

“Fuck off.”

Brian and Michael were the only ones left in Brian’s jeep. They had all teased him about the kiss until he thought his face would be permanently red. Then he kicked them all out at their respective houses. Michael looked over at him and poked his cheek.

“Look at your face! You can’t stop smiling.” It was true. He couldn’t.

“Yes I can.”

“Then do it.” Michael stared over at him and he glanced over, trying his best to make a frown. No matter how hard he tried, the smile wouldn’t go away. 

“Fuck.”

“Ha! Told you! You are so in love!” Michael giggled and Brian pulled over in front of his house. He leaned over and pushed the passenger side door open.

“Bye Mikey.”

“Bye Brian.” Michael gave his best friend a quick peck on the lips and walked up to his door. Brian shook his head and pulled away from the curb. 

On his way home, he thought about the alluring blond. The kiss was so sensual, unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. Justin tasted of honey and cigarettes and Brian ran his tongue over his teeth, hoping to taste it once more.

He pulled into his driveway and killed the engine. He pulled his guitar from the backseat and bypassed the main house, opting instead to grab the flashlight he kept in the hollow of a tree trunk and follow the trail back to his little haven. He let the light dance along the path, walking almost in a daze. Once he got to the front door, he leaned down and unlocked it with the key from his neck. Pushing the door open, he took one last look at the beautiful night sky over head.

Once inside, he clicked on one of the battery operated lanterns, filling the room with soft orange light. He shut off the flashlight and tossed it onto the couch. He took the guitar from his back, kissed the neck of it, and set it in its stand. Then he grabbed the lantern and climbed up to his bed. Once he shed all his clothing, he climbed in bed and clicked off the light.

Flashes of blonde hair and blue eyes pleasantly haunted his dreams. The grin on his face was still evident in sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Once Justin was safely inside his apartment, all alone, he started jumping up and down with delight. He spun around in circles and finally dropped down onto the sofa, stomping his feet in excitement. He felt like a giddy teenager again. He leaned back against the cushions and ran his fingertips over his lips, closing his eyes to reenact the kiss once more.

Suddenly, he sprinted over to the kitchen table and opened a fresh sketchbook, preparing to do what he had been waiting to do all night. He took a freshly sharpened charcoal pencil in his hand and sighed with content. The pencil fit in his fingers perfectly. The smell of the paper wafted to his nose and he couldn’t think of any smell he liked better, except for _him._

He took the pencil to the paper and worked in a frenzy. Before long, Brian was staring back at him from the stage, singing to him. The next page was a close up of Brian’s hands on his guitar. The next page was a close up of Brian’s face. Then Brian leaning against the wall in the alley. A close up of Brian’s hand holding the joint against his lips.

Justin’s right hand ached, but he paid no attention to it. The last picture he sketched was their kiss, everything blurry except for them. Solid, real, _there._

When he looked up again, sunlight was seeping in through the windows, crawling along the floor. It was then he realized how tired he was. He left the sketchbook open and stood up, stretching the kinks from his lithe body. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and turned it off before tossing it on the bed. He took off all his clothing and crawled into bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sunlight crept over Justin’s face, bouncing off of his golden hair. The light grew bright enough to wake him up. He rolled away from the offending light and felt his cell phone dig into his ribs. He clutched it in his hand and once he was awake enough to lift his head, he vaguely wondered what time it was. The clock on his nightstand was blank and he remembered ripping the cord out of the wall the previous day when his alarm woke him up.

Groaning, he flipping open his cell phone and held down the power button. He watched the screen as it started up, waiting to see his display message. It was usually some catchy song lyric that wouldn’t leave his head. What he saw instead surprised him. The letters flashed up on the screen, making his eyes widen in surprise.

_You know you want to call Brian. :)_

Justin blinked, and then the screen was fully loaded. The time in the corner read 9:23 a.m. and he bit down on his bottom lip, wondering whether or not to call. His fingers obviously decided for him, because before he knew it, there was a new message on the screen.

_Calling Brian…_


	7. Bleeding Emotions

**AN:** Thanks to Ash for staying up all night with me, cheering me on and getting all moist on me as I wrote this. Thanks to Kami for spontaneously orgasming as she read it, thus ensuring me it would be a success. :)

* * *

Brian groaned and pulled the covers up over his head, wondering why he woke up. That’s when the cell phone finally registered. The loud, shrill ringing pounded into his sleepy haze and he fished the phone from the pocket of his jeans and looked at the display. He didn’t recognize the number, but decided to answer anyway. Not to find out who it was, just to kill them for waking him up. He pressed talk and raised the phone to his ear.

“What?” His voice was deep and gravelly, full of sleep and frustration. __

_“Um, Brian? It’s Justin.”_ Suddenly being woken up wasn’t such a bad thing.

“Oh. Hi.” Brian lay back against his pillows, a small smile creeping onto his face. __

_“Did I wake you up?”_ Justin’s voice sounded deep and husky from sleep, and the sound of it went straight to Brian’s groin.

“Yeah, but it’s ok. What’s up?”

~

“Um,” Justin looked down at the tent in his sheets. Something was definitely up. “Nothing much. I just got your message and decided to call you. I wasn’t really thinking about the time. So sorry for waking you.” __

_“Really, it’s ok. So you got my message, huh? Now you know why I kept pushing your buttons.”_ He could see the smirk on Brian’s face perfectly in his mind.

“You pushed them other ways as well. You’re quite the tease, Mr. Kinney,” he said smoothly. “What’s up on your end?”

~

“What’s up you ask?” Brian slid his hand under his sheets and cupped his growing erection. The way the blond had said his name made his cock twitch. He considered for a moment telling him exactly what was up. “Nothing, nothing at all.” __

_“Mmm. How did you sleep?”_

“Best night of sleep in years,” he replied honestly. He ran his fingertips along his hard, youthful abs, concentrating on Justin’s voice. __

_“Oh? I’m glad to hear that. I only got a few hours, but I’m wide awake now.”_ Brian tried to resist the urge to touch his aching dick. Justin’s voice was a sensual purr and he couldn’t get enough. He heard a gasp on Justin’s end. No way.

“What are you doing?” Brian asked softly, his accent even more noticeable in the morning. He kept his voice airy and low for one reason.

~

Justin couldn’t resist. He started stroking his erection; his movements painfully slow. He felt like he could orgasm just from Brian’s husky voice. That coupled with his accent made him so hard he could barely think.

“Nothing,” he answered a little too quickly. He let out another gasp as he slid his thumb over the head of his dick, gathering a drop of pre-cum. He brought his thumb to his lips and sucked it off before returning his hand to his aching shaft. __

_“I’m doing nothing, too.”_ He exaggerated the word nothing and Justin heard the younger man’s breath hitch. Oh god.

~

Brian rubbed his palm back and forth over the swollen head of his dick, smearing it with pre-cum. He listened as Justin’s breathing sped up, occasionally letting gasps and whimpers out so Brian could hear. It was too much. He wrapped his slick hand around his hard cock and slowly pumped up and down.

“I can’t stop thinking about that kiss,” he managed to get out between quick breaths. He bit his lip as he squeezed his fist tighter. __

_“Me neither. It was amazing.”_ He heard Justin let out a feral growl and started stroking faster. He let out a moan before he could stop himself. _“Oh god.”_

“Fuck.” His back arched off of the bed as he stroked himself in time with Justin’s heavy breathing.

~

Justin couldn’t believe he was doing this, stroking himself and moaning so the younger man could hear. He felt so dirty, and he kind of liked it. He held the phone between his ear and shoulder and brought his free hand to his mouth, sucking greedily on two fingers. Brian obviously heard the sound. __

_“You aren’t,”_ Justin heard a sexy groan and he smiled around his fingers. _“Oh fuck.”_

Justin pulled his fingers from his mouth with a wet popping sound and spread his legs wantonly.

~

Brian heard the popping sound, and noticed the return of his sexy whimpers. He knew exactly what the blonde was doing, and his cock twitched in his hand in response.

“Justin,” it was a breathy whisper, coming out like a plea. __

_“Brian,”_ His voice sounded gritty, desperate. He pumped his dick harder and faster as he neared release, moaning unabashedly into the phone.

~

Justin positioned his slippery fingers at his tight, virgin pucker. He pushed them both in simultaneously, crying out from the slight pain and intense pleasure. He heard Brian growl in response. He smiled and began sliding his fingers in and out in time with the strokes he was giving his aching dick. He panted into the phone, growing even more turned on as he thought about what he must look like, spread out so openly on his bed, fucking himself and gasping and moaning into the phone.

Then he thought about what Brian must look like and felt his balls tighten.

“Oh god,” he moaned, crying out in pleasure. __

_“Fuck yes.”_

~

Brian was on sensory overload. He couldn’t believe he was lying there, getting off on the noises this man was making. It was so hot. He massaged his slit with his thumb while sliding his palm up and down his turgid shaft. He was so close, and the strangled cry he let out told Justin so.

“Gonna, oh god.” With one last pump, he came hard, stars exploding behind his eyes. He screamed into the phone, the sound reverberating off of the empty walls. His cum was thick and ropey on his chest, and there was so much of it. __

_“Mmm. Yes.”_

~

Brian’s scream pushed Justin off of the brink. He brushed his fingers against his prostate and came hard into his hand, letting a strangled cry spill from his lips and into Brian’s ears. The last spurt of his milky seed hit him in the chin and he collapsed back on the bed, panting.

“Oh my god.” __

_“I know. I should have you call every morning.”  
_

~

Brian fell back against his bed, breathing hard. He switched the phone to his other ear and dabbed at his chest with the corner of his sheet. __

_“Seriously. What a wake up call.”_ Justin’s laugh was music to his ears. He smiled widely and kicked the blankets all the way off of his body. 

“So, what are your plans for today?” Brian asked, wanting to move forward before the situation became awkward. __

_“Nothing really. Thought I’d try to get some painting done.”_

“I’d love to see your work.” __

_“Hey Brian?”_ He picked up on the uncertainty in his soft tone. God, how he wanted to hold him.

~

Justin wanted the younger man there with him, now. __

_“Yeah?”_

“Do you want to come over?” There was a pause and Justin bit his bottom lip nervously. __

_“Give me thirty minutes and your address.”_


	8. Bleeding Emotions

**AN:** Thanks to Denise for sticking by me through this chapter. Enjoy and please review.

* * *

“Please hair. If you cooperate I’ll buy you the really _good_ shampoo.”

Justin stood in front of his bathroom mirror, desperately combing through his hair. The gorgeous blond locks just wouldn’t sit right with him, and he was getting very irritated. He looked down at his red tee shirt and jeans. The clothes were casual, but not too casual. Tight, but not too tight. He needed to look good, but without making it seem like he tried to look good.

Then he brushed his teeth. For the second time. He was a wreck. Brian would be here any minute. When he got there, he didn’t know what they were going to do.

“Oh my god,” Justin cried out to his reflection, hoping to ease his nervousness. “Calm down, Justin. Oh and one more thing, stop talking to yourself.”

His reflection nodded.

~

Brian paced back and forth in front of Justin’s apartment building, his body practically vibrating with excitement. He took long, deep drags from his cigarette as he tried to lose the nervous feeling in his stomach. He looked up at the looming building and walked up to the stoop. He scanned over the list of names by the door, each name coupled with a dusty black button. _Taylor._

He looked down the street, smiled widely, and hopped off of the stoop. He took another long deep drag from his cigarette as he walked down the street. He crushed the butt under his shoe and exhaled the smoke before ducking into a small deli. 

He strolled up to the counter and perused the menu. He wanted to pick up a light brunch for him and Justin. Something easy that they could share. He ordered a tray of all sorts of sandwich fixings and a large bowl of mixed fruit. He grabbed a six-pack of cola and paid for his purchases. He carried the bag in one hand while smoking a cigarette with the other on his way back to Justin’s building. He hadn’t felt this nervous since right before he went onstage. That was only the night before. How time flies.

He stepped back onto Justin’s stoop and flicked his cigarette into the gutter before raising his finger to the call button for Justin’s apartment. He took a deep breath and pushed the button. He heard Justin’s voice come through, crackling, full of static, and _beautiful._

_“Yeah?”_

“Yeah, hi. I’m looking for Justin Taylor. He wanted someone sent from Guilty Pleasures Escort Service. I’m the guy.” He suppressed a chuckle. __

_“Finally. I’ve been waiting all day. So how much was it again? A dollar for anything I want?”_

“It’s actually fifty cents, but hey if you want to be generous.” Justin laughed and Brian smiled. __

_“Come on up.”_ There was a buzz and the door clicked open. Brian pulled the handle and began to climb up the stairs, taking two at a time to get to the pretty blond boy upstairs faster. 

Once he stood in front of Justin’s door, he took a moment to study his appearance. He was wearing a pair of expensive sandblasted jeans and an even more expensive forest green shirt v-neck sweater. It showed off the hollow of his collarbone, while the long sleeves clung to his hands, leaving only his long fingers peeking out. Lindsay and Juliana made him buy the outfit during one unfortunate outing to the mall, just him and the girls. __

_“Brian, you have to get this sweater. It brings out your eyes,” Lindsay exclaimed._

_“And these jeans.” Juliana thrust the clothes into his hands and they pushed him towards the dressing rooms._

_“Yo bitches. I hate the mall. More so, I hate shopping at the mall. Let’s go.”_

_“You’re the worst fag ever,” Lindsay lamented as Juliana shook her head._

“I’ll show them how bad of a fag I am,” he muttered to himself. He knocked on the door with a smile on his face.

~

Justin heard the knock on of the door and finally pried himself away from the mirror. His nervousness grew with each step closer to the door. It was outweighed only by his excitement and pure happiness.

He pulled open the door and felt all his nervousness drain away as soon as he laid eyes on Brian. The brunet gave him a shy smile and he stepped aside and ushered the younger man inside.

“Hey Brian,” he said, giving him a radiant smile. Brian felt his knees grow weak at the sight of that smile. The one he gave Justin was just as big.

“Hey Sunshine.” The nickname just rolled off of his tongue before he could stop himself.

“Sunshine?” 

“Um, well, you know how when it’s raining everything is all dark and cold, and you feel like you’ll never be cheerful again?” He paused, scratching his always perfect hair. He smiled sheepishly before continuing. “And then the sun comes out and you just have to run outside and bask in the sunshine because it makes everything alright again. Everything is bright and glistening and _beautiful._ When the sunshine hits your shoulders a certain way you just _know_ something amazing is going to happen.”

“Yeah?” Justin didn’t really know what else to say. He crinkled his nose in confusion.

“That’s how I feel when you smile,” Brian whispered, blushing and averting his eyes. Justin felt a prickly sensation at the back of his eyes. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. No one had ever looked at him in that light. He felt himself falling for the young man in front of him.

“Wow,” he let out in a breathy whisper. “I love my new nickname.” Brian looked back into his eyes and smiled.

“Good.” The brunet leaned forward and placed a light, chaste, _perfect_ kiss on Justin’s surprised lips. When Brian pulled away, Justin’s eyes were still closed. He opened them, adoration shining in the pools of cornflower blue. They both smiled at each other, nervousness replaced by the frantic beating of their hearts.

“What have you got there?” Justin asked, gesturing to the bag in Brian’s hand. The teen looked down, as if he had forgotten what it was.

“I come bearing food,” Brian proclaimed proudly as he set the bag down on Justin’s coffee table. Justin’s apartment was impressive for a college student. It was roomy, but not large. The walls were painted in a light gray color. The large sofa was positioned in the center of the living room, sitting on dark gray carpet. The upholstery of the sofa was black suede, complimented by light gray and white throw pillows. The coffee table was a large piece of glass on a black metal frame. The color was in the art. Bright paintings adorned the walls, drawing Brian in to inspect them. “This place is fucking awesome.”

“Thanks,” Justin grinned at Brian’s accent. He thought it was so fucking adorable and so fucking sexy all at the same time. Brian walked up to the entertainment center and stared at the large painting that hung above it. The painting was done so it looked like a portrait taken from inside a room, looking out at the world through a window. Billowing curtains lined the canvas. Outside of the painted window was an abstract world. Several hues of red made up buildings turned on their sides, a broken city in turmoil. Beyond the mass of red was the ocean, looking so peaceful and far away from the wild city.

“Wow. I really love this painting. It’s amazing. Who’s the artist?” He turned to look at Justin, who blushed and ran his paint stained fingers through his shaggy blond hair. Brian turned back to the piece of art and leaned in close to inspect the signature. “You painted this? It’s bleeding brilliant. I’m impressed.”

“Thanks,” Justin managed to get out. Brian just smiled at him and plopped down on the sofa. 

“How do you afford this place, if you don’t mind me asking?” Brian craned his neck to look at the modern kitchen and then down the hallway. “Rich parents?”

“Yes, but I haven’t even talked to them in three years. They don’t even want to see me, let alone help me with anything. I sure as fuck don’t want to see them either.” Justin sighed and sat down on the sofa next to Brian. The teen wondered what happened with his parents, but he didn’t dare pry. “I sell my paintings to different galleries. I have a lot of work on display in a gallery in Seattle, and I’m setting up a show here in Pittsburgh. It keeps the rent paid on this place and buys the necessities of life.”

“That’s amazing,” Brian exclaimed. They shared another long smile before Brian turned to the bag on the table and unloaded it. “Ok, I didn’t know what you’d like, so I got a little of everything. I got a thing of mixed fruit and a sandwich platter. There’s like ham, turkey, and roast beef with different cheeses and different rolls. And I got some soda.” 

Justin looked at the feast before him and practically licked his chops. He slid down to the floor so his back rested against the sofa and his legs stretched out underneath the table. Brian followed suit. He sat close enough so that their legs touched.

“This is so great, Brian. You didn’t have to do this.”

“It was my pleasure. Plus I was hungry.” Brian smiled and bumped his shoulder against Justin’s.

“I’ll go get some forks.” Justin started to get up but Brian grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him back down.

“We don’t need forks. What’s your favorite fruit?”

“Strawberries.”

“Me too.” Brian picked up a slice of the juicy red fruit from the bowl and pressed it against the blond’s lips. The red juice dripped onto his chin, and he had to fight the urge to lick it off. Justin opened his mouth and he slid the fruit between his lips. The older man captured the fruit, drawing it in with his tongue, sliding it across the pad of Brian’s thumb. Brian felt himself grow hard as Justin swallowed the fruit, his Adams apple bobbing from the action. He licked the juice from his lips, his eyes never leaving Brian’s.

“Mmm, yummy,” Justin whispered. He picked up a piece of the tart fruit and returned the favor. Brian suckled on the tip of Justin’s finger before releasing it to chew and swallow. Justin felt his cock harden against his jeans. He shifted his hips and cracked open a soda, taking a long drink. Brian smirked and picked up a wheat roll. He tore it in half and placed some of the slices of turkey between the bread. Justin followed suit with a white roll and roast beef.

Brunch went by quickly, both men occasionally feeding the other a piece of fruit. They talked about their interests and hobbies. They had similar taste in music and film. Justin was pleased he had someone to talk to about things going on in the world. Brian was an excellent conversationalist, wise beyond his years. Justin got the impression that he had grown up too fast. The smile on his face looked new, like it hadn’t been broken in yet. His eyes were haunting, holding secrets in their chocolate depths. Specks of gold flashed, sparkling as they mixed with hues of green and brown. Justin couldn’t get enough of his eyes. He pressed a piece of honeydew melon against the brunet’s full lips. He closed his eyes as he ate the fruit, humming his gratitude. He opened his eyes again and the blond watched as his pupils grew smaller from the sudden light.

“One more piece of strawberry, “ Brian informed him. He held the piece of fruit in his fingers and waved it in the older man’s face. “Want it?”

“Yes,” Justin replied immediately.

“But I want it too.” The younger man put on a mock pout that Justin found utterly adorable. Then Brian smiled wickedly. “We could share it.”

“That might do,” Justin replied. Brian leaned forward and ran the fruit along the blond’s bottom lip, coating it in the sweet, sticky juice. He pulled the strawberry away and replaced the cool fruit with his warm tongue. Justin shuddered and parted his lips slightly as Brian traced his lips with his tongue, licking the juice away. He nibbled on the flesh slightly and teasingly dipped his tongue into the inviting orifice before pulling away. Justin moaned his disapproval.

Brian slipped the fruit between his lips and straddled Justin’s lap, one knee on the floor on either side of him. Justin barely had time to gasp in surprise before his mouth was covered with Brian’s. He pushed the fruit into the blond’s mouth and they played that game for a while, passing the fruit back and forth, taking small nibbles until it was gone. Then there was just their mouths. 

Brian sucked greedily on Justin’s tongue and the blond slid his hands up under the back of Brian’s shirt, feeling the silky flesh under his fingertips. Their tongues performed a beautiful dance in their mouths, gliding over each other, slipping along teeth. Brian bit and sucked at the sweet lips. Justin marveled at the softness of Brian’s lips, comparing them to the finest silk. The kiss went on for an eternity, but not nearly long enough. 

When Brian pulled away, his breath came out in quick puffs against Justin’s lips. He rested his forehead against Justin’s and stared into the eyes he so wanted to slip into and never leave. He gave Justin another long, soft kiss before sitting up straight on his lap, surveying the work he had done on the older man. 

Justin’s lips were swollen and bruised, as were Brian’s. His eyelids were heavy with lust and arousal, and he was definitely aroused if the dick Brian felt against his ass was any indication. His skin was flushed and Brian went the urge to run his fingertips along his cheek and up into his fine hair, relishing in the feel of it.

“I’ve never been kissed like that,” Justin whispered. Brian placed another small kiss on his addicting lips.

“I’ve never kissed anyone like that,” he responded into Justin’s mouth. “No one kisses like you do.” Justin smiled and Brian swore he felt sunshine on his shoulders.


	9. Bleeding Emotions

“Kiss me again,” Justin mumbled against Brian’s silky lips.

“My pleasure.” Brian slid his fingertips along Justin’s smooth cheeks and placed a tender, loving kiss on his parted lips. Justin moaned his approval and the brunet lowered his head and placed wet, open-mouthed kisses against the blond’s exposed neck. After a few minutes of strategic licking and sucking, Brian lifted himself off of the blond’s lap and stood up, holding out his hand to help him up.

“You’re so awesome,” Justin breathed sexily. Brian blushed.

“Come on, I’ve got something I want to show you.” Justin looked at him quizzically and he barely had time to grab his shoes and flip off the light switch before Brian dragged him out the door.

“Where are we going, Brian?” Justin asked as the younger man maneuvered the Jeep through busy Saturday afternoon traffic. Brian looked over at him and gave a shy smile.

“You’ll see.” Brian turned his eyes back to the road and Justin watched him, wondering what was happening, and how it came to be. He thought he wouldn’t ever find someone, and here was this gorgeous man that wanted him. He was smart, funny, sexy, and talented as all hell. Not to mention the accent that nearly gave him a spontaneous orgasm every time he opened that perfect mouth.

And he was still in high school.

That was a whole other thing in itself. Brian still lived with his parents. Justin wondered if he had a curfew, wondered if he had chores, wondered if he earned an allowance. He wondered if he’d ever call Brian’s house and be forced to talk to his mother.

Brian pulled the Jeep into a city park and killed the engine. He leaned over and placed a playful, sloppy kiss on Justin’s cheek before hopping out of the car. He ran around to the passenger side and pulled Justin’s door open for him. He smiled widely and stepped out of the car.

“My, such manners,” Justin laughed. Brian smiled and bowed. He then took the blond’s hand in his own and led him into the park.

“I don’t take just anyone here, you know.” Justin flashed a radiant grin and intertwined his fingers with Brian’s, studying the gold hue of the younger man’s skin. It was like he had been touched my Midas himself. The gold made him absolutely glow, shining from head to toe, at least in Justin’s eyes.

Was it possible to be so… _infatuated_ with someone after such a short period of time? Justin didn’t think so.

Until now.

Brian smiled at him again, that always perfect lopsided grin. Again he got the feeling that the smile was brand new, and all for him. It made his heart thump faster. Brian caressed Justin’s skin with his thumb as he swung their hands back and forth. Justin couldn’t see three feet in front of him. All he saw with this picture perfect beauty at his side. Silky hair, long, sleek nose. Perfect lips, perfect neck, perfect body.

How many times could you use the word perfect in an hour, he wondered.

He got so much joy out of the simple act of holding hands. Brian led them down past the playground. It was empty, void of children and laughter. Their shoes crunched over the gravel. Brian walked closer, so close that their shoulders touched. As they passed the swings, he leaned over and placed a kiss on his pale cheek, making it turn pink. The kiss made his body warm.

He wanted Brian to pull him in the tube slide and kiss him again, wanted this teenager to make him feel alive.

Justin furrowed his brow and looked over at Brian as the brunet led them off the cement path between two bushes, an unspoken question. Brian led him into the trees and down an overgrown dirt path. He smiled shyly, an unspoken answer.

“I like places where I can be alone,” he explained. “Places where I can hide. Places no one knows about.”

“Now you don’t want to be alone?” Justin asked, squeezing the larger hand tighter. Brian stopped and looked into his eyes with a burning stare. Those eyes, he feared that those eyes could see into his soul.

“No, I don’t.” 

Justin had a feeling they weren’t talking about the park anymore.

“Well, now you don’t have to be,” Justin replied. That lopsided grin appeared on Brian’s face again. It was somewhere between adorable, sexy, and _just right_.

Brian pulled Justin along the path, the boys kicking up little clouds of dust. Brian ducked under a low hanging tree branch and Justin followed. On the other side was a flowing stream with grassy banks. Brian sat down on the grass and held his hand out to Justin. The older man took it and sat down next to him, then swung around on his side and lay down with his head resting in Brian’s lap. 

Brian immediately let his fingers become tangled in the silky blond strands. The position was new, but familiar, like they had been waiting for it their whole lives.

“This place is beautiful,” Justin sighed. He couldn’t concentrate on much of anything as Brian’s strong hand stroked his scalp. The crystal clear water flowed peacefully as the sun shone down on them, creating the most relaxing atmosphere Justin had been privy to for a long time.

“I think so too.”

“How did you find it?” Justin asked as he pushed the sleeve of Brian’s shirt up past his elbow so he could trace the muscles of his forearm with his fingertip. Brian sighed deeply as Justin’s nimble fingers caressed his skin.

“When I moved here from Ireland, I spent a lot of time exploring. I had tons of little hideouts in Ireland, since I was on the gur a lot. I ran away from home a lot,” he clarified at the blond’s confused expression. “I’ve been coming here since I was fourteen. When I just want to be alone.”

“I see,” Justin responded. “Things rough with your parents?”

“You could say that,” the brunet replied, running his hand down Justin’s chest. The blond noticed an angry white scar marking his otherwise perfect skin just below his elbow on the inside of his arm. Justin ran his fingertip over it and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. It was small and round, staring Justin in the face.

“How’d you get that?” Justin asked, running his finger over it again.

“Hmm?” Brian asked lazily. Justin looked up at him. He was looking into the sun with his eyes closed, his shaggy hair falling back. He looked gorgeous.

“This scar.” Brian’s head snapped up and he jerked his arm away quickly, rolling his sleeve down.

“It’s nothing,” he mumbled. Justin sat up next to him.

“How did you get it?” Justin asked again. Brian’s behavior made him curious.

“I, um, dropped a plate when I was younger,” Brian muttered, toying with the cuff of his sleeve. Justin scrunched up his nose and Brian smiled at him.

“Did you cut yourself on the glass?” His smile faltered when he realized this conversation wasn’t over.

“Not…exactly,” he replied, looking out at the water. 

“Then how?” 

“Are you always this persistent?” Brian asked fondly, although there was pain in his eyes.

“Only with people I really give a shit about.” Justin nudged his shoulder against Brian’s. “That’s Daphne, Emmett, and…you.”

Brian couldn’t help kissing him.

“And what did I do to get on that obviously exclusive list, Sunshine?” Brian asked. “Woo you with me singing abilities? Sweep you off your feet with me accent? Or was it me amazing, and amazingly expensive pot.” Brian laughed, a short, nervous laugh.

“You were you,” the blond stated simply. Brian felt his heart swell. “Now what did you do to get that scar?”

“I dropped the plate.”

“And?”

“And pissed off me Da.” Brian looked away and shut his eyes, his lashes fluttering against his cheeks. “So he used me as an ashtray to make sure I’d have a better grip next time.” Brian refused to look at the blond. He winced as he gasped at the admission.

Justin didn’t know what to do, what to say. Don’t offer pity, don’t say you’re sorry, and don’t make excuses. How could someone do that to their own child? Especially one as sweet as Brian.

“Asshole,” was all Justin could say. “Does he do that shit often?” Brian just shrugged. He felt open, exposed. He couldn’t face those knowing blue eyes. “My door is always open to you,” Justin whispered as he tucked Brian’s hair behind his ear. He softly kissed his ear and rested his forehead against the teen’s temple. “You’re too good for that.”

Brian turned and faced Justin. He didn’t want to talk to Justin about this. Not Justin, not anyone. Justin didn’t need to see the scars, physical or emotional. But it was there, in his dark hazel eyes. He felt open, exposed. Justin could see him, all of him.

That terrified him, but in a _good_ way.

Brian pushed Justin down onto the grass and climbed on top of him. His blue eyes widened in surprise as Brian pinned his wrists against the soft grass. He opened his mouth to say something but he completely forgot what it was when the brunet covered his lips with his own, kissing him passionately. 

Justin returned the kiss with matching intensity, pressing his body up into the larger one. He tried to pull his wrists away, he wanted to touch the man, wanted to feel that golden skin under his fingertips. Brian gripped his wrists tighter and kissed him harder. Justin moaned into his mouth, and the vibrations encouraged Brian. His velvet tongue explored every inch of the moist cavern. Justin sucked on the warm tongue and again tried to pull his wrists away. Brian broke away from the kiss and let his swollen lips dance along Justin’s pale face. He kissed his forehead, the tip of his nose, his eyes, his cheeks. He kissed his chin and then his lips again before resting his forehead against the smaller man’s.

“You are so beautiful,” Brian let out in a breathy whisper. Justin smiled, and Brian felt warm all over.

“You’re gorgeous,” Justin replied, lifting his head to kiss Brian’s jaw. “So sexy. I want to touch you,” he practically whimpered, trying to free his wrists yet again. Brian smiled and dipped his head down, running his wet tongue up the blond’s neck to just under his ear. He let his tongue trace the fragile edge of his ear before dipping the tip of his tongue into it once. He felt the blond shiver against him and he settled down on top of him. He released the blond’s wrists and held himself up on his elbows. Brian kissed him once more before settling in to suck and lick the blond’s neck, making him whimper and writhe beneath him. 

Justin seemed to finally realize his hands were free, and he slipped them under the brunet’s shirt to caress his strong back. His skin was like woven silk, and Justin sighed at the feel of it. “So soft,” he mumbled.

“Mmm,” Brian hummed in his ear before taking the soft lobe between his lips, alternating between nipping and licking it. He ran his hands up Justin’s sides and slipped them under his shirt, caressing the smooth skin. His hands traveled higher, exploring Justin’s flat stomach. He returned his lips to his neck and sucked hard, causing the blond to whimper from the sensation. When he finally pulled away, he was faced with a patch of deep purple skin. He got a rush from marking this beautiful man. He ran his tongue over the hickey and smiled into his neck.

“Uh oh,” Brian whispered. “Looks like you’ll have to break out the turtlenecks, Sunshine.”

“Huh?” Justin asked lazily, his voice hazy with lust. Brian licked the hickey once more. It looked incredibly sexy on his pale skin.

“I guess I got a little carried away. You’ve got yourself a pretty good hickey.” Brian laughed. Justin’s eyes widened and he sat up, pushing Brian off of him. He brought his hand to his neck and rubbed it. 

“Awesome! I’ve never had a hickey before.” Justin smiled and Brian laughed.

“Me neither,” Brian told him. Justin turned towards him and smiled wickedly.

“Well then I guess I’ll have to return the favor.” Brian’s eyes widened with fear.

“No, you can’t. Me Da will see.” He brought his hand to his neck. Justin’s heart ached with the fear he saw in the hazel orbs. He wished there was something he could do. He smiled softly. He could take the pain away momentarily.

“Well, then I guess I’ll do it somewhere your dad won’t see,” Justin sang. He leaned forward and pulled Brian’s shirt over his head and almost gasped at the beauty of the younger man. His body was perfect, even with the bruises that littered his rib cage. His eyes narrowed and his fists clenched. He felt anger and rage boil up inside of him towards Brian’s father. He looked up to see Brian looking down, shame in his eyes. That pained Justin even more.

“Hey,” Justin whispered, cupping Brian’s chin in his hand. “You’re gorgeous.” Brian smiled a little and Justin kissed his lips tenderly. He pushed Brian down in the grass and proceeded to kiss and lick every bruised area of flesh, hoping he could kiss away the pain the brunet must feel. He heard the younger man sigh contentedly underneath him, and wondered if anyone had ever paid this beautiful boy so much attention. He deserved every bit of it. “I think this looks like a good spot,” Justin said as he sat up, running his index finger over the dip in Brian’s hipbone.

“This is entirely unfair,” Brian practically whined as he tugged on the hem of Justin’s tee. The blond smiled and pulled his tee shirt over his head and tossed it near Brian’s. The brunet put his large hand flat against his pale chest, letting it slide down to his stomach slowly. He smiled appreciatively and Justin blushed.

Justin leaned down and kissed Brian long and hard before sliding down to lick and suck on Brian’s hipbone. The younger man whimpered and sighed, his cock hardening and his hips wiggling. Justin didn’t let up until there was a sizable purple hickey marking his skin. He kissed the mark before laying on his back next to Brian.

He looked over at Brian, and the brunet smiled at him. It was a sleepy grin that went straight to Justin’s heart. The blond was surprised when he rolled and snuggled up to his side, resting his head on Justin’s shoulder and resting his leg between Justin’s. He wrapped his arms around him and held his young boy close.

He stroked the chestnut hair and ran his nails lightly up and down Brian’s bare back. Within minutes, Justin heard deep, even breathing and looked down to confirm that he had indeed fallen asleep. Justin smiled and kissed the top of his head before drifting off himself, the sun lightly kissing their bodies.


	10. Bleeding Emotions

The weekend passed entirely too quickly, for both of them.

The pair spent the rest of the weekend just loafing around Justin's apartment watching movies, making out, eating, and sleeping in each other's arms. It wasn't until Monday morning rolled around that Brian realized it was his dream weekend.

Brian had to leave Justin’s warm embrace and go to school. He gave Justin a long, languid kiss before heading out the door, promising to call after his shift at the diner.

Brian opened the door to the main house quietly. He stuck his head in the door and saw his father passed out asleep on the couch. He took a step in the house, sighing in relief. He closed the door behind him and walked to the staircase. The bottom step creaked under the weight of his foot. There it was again, the fear.

The captivating, all encompassing fear that coursed through his veins every time he found himself in his parent's house. It was real, as tangible as the railing he was currently clutching onto. He usually avoided it at all costs, but he needed the light from his bedroom to study. He felt his eyelids trying to slide shut and he yawned as he shook it off. He leaned against the wall and looked at his watch, 10:23. He rolled his eyes. Going to the school, working at the diner, and keeping up with his studies was really wearing him out. He constantly felt as if he was on auto-pilot, just retracing the same steps day in and day out. He was tired, but he wasn't all too sure if it was just that, or if he was tired of his life. He lifted his foot up to the next step and put all his weight on it. It creaked and he winced, cursing under his breath. He hoisted his bag up onto his shoulder and took two more steps before he heard a groan from the direction of the couch. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and his body tensed.

"Hey sonny boy."

Brian's hands curled into tight little fists and he let out a long whoosh of air. He felt his stomach tighten and his heart thump against his ribs. He paused for a second and then climbed another three stairs. He looked up the staircase, the narrow space lengthening to infinity before his eyes.

"Brian, get your ass down here."

He slowly turned on his heels and descended down the stairs, blood rushing behind his ears. He let his book bag drop to his side, still clutching the strap in his fist like a weapon.

"Yes? _Da._ " The last word was forced through clenched teeth, sliding off his lips in a low growl. He stood tall, suddenly grateful for the four inches he had on his father. It felt good to look down on him.

"I need you to go to the store and get me some cigarettes. I'm out." Jack didn't even bother to look up at his son as he rolled his tired old body to a sitting position on the lumpy old sofa.

"What? Da, I just got home from work. It's almost eleven, and I got up at seven in the morning. I need to study. I need to sleep so I can get up and do it all over again tomorrow. Can you please just go yourself?"

Jack looked up with anger in his wide, glazed over eyes. He stood to his full height and when he realized he was looking up at his eldest child, his anger tripled. He took a step forward and swaggered back and forth, momentarily losing his balance. Brian sighed and shook his head at the pathetic man in front of him.

"Did you just say no to me?" Jack asked in a drunken slur.

"No. I was just asking you if you could just go yourself. I need to study," Brian replied in a soft, even tone. Jack rolled his lips into his mouth and raised an eyebrow. Brian blinked.

The first punch came in contact with his right eye. It surprised Brian and he fell to the floor. He felt blood run down his face and into his mouth. He clutched his hand to his eye and winced as he tried to sit up.

"Da, stop." Jack's boot came in contact with Brian's ribs and he was sent sprawling to the floor again. He couldn't do this, not tonight. Another blow to his ribs knocked all the remaining air out of his lungs and he was left gasping for breath.

He felt tears well up in his eyes and he heard his father laughing. The sound broke his heart.

“That’s it.” Brian jumped to a standing position and swung at his father. His fist came in contact with his jaw and he fell back on the sofa. He stared up at his son in awe. Brian stood strong, his chest heaving up and down with each breath. 

“You little shit.” Jack swiftly jumped up from the sofa and Brian didn’t feel so strong anymore. Jack punched him in the mouth and Brian felt blood fill the orifice. He spit it out on the floor, but it flowed freely down his face. Another punch landed on his other eye and he again fell down with the force of it. 

A sob escaped his bloody lips as Jack kicked him repeatedly, showing his ribs and stomach no mercy. Brian grabbed his father’s boot and pulled his leg out from underneath him, sending him crashing to the floor. Brian scrambled to his feet, coughing up blood and gagging. He stumbled for the doorway but was grabbed by his father.

“You think you’re a man because you hit me? You’re not a man. You’re a worthless piece of shit that no one will ever, ever want.” Jack punctuated his statement with another punch to his face. Brian stumbled and tripped over his bag, sending him sprawling backwards.

The railing for the stairs crumbled as his body was slammed into them. His head hit the wooden step and he felt warm liquid seep into his hair, as his vision grew blurry. He held out his arm and cried out as Jack approached him once more.

“That’ll teach you,” Jack spit in his face. He stepped over Brian’s limp body on the stairs and climbed up. Brian heard the bedroom door slam shut. 

He didn’t know how long he laid there, splinters of wood digging into his skin. Finally, he sat up. Every muscle in his body protested the action. He stood up and brought his hands to the sides of his head, trying to steady himself. He felt like he was swimming. He managed to grab his bag and make it out to his car.

He was never going back.

~

Justin sat on the couch in his living room, feverishly working on a sketch. He was curled up in a little ball, balancing his sketchbook on his thighs. His hair fell in his face and his expression showed his determination. He and Brian took shape on the page below him, entwined together on the bank of the stream, their own secret spot.

He was so into the sketch that he didn’t hear the phone until the third ring. He excitedly tossed the sketchbook on the table and dove for the phone. Brian told him he’d call when he was off work. He brought the receiver to his mouth with a big grin.

“Hello?” __

_“Hello Justin.”_ The voice was cold. Justin’s smile disappeared immediately. He felt fear and panic rise up in his chest and he gulped. He felt a chill run down his spine and his stomach turned. 

“How the fuck did you get this number?"


	11. Bleeding Emotions

Brian would not let a tear fall from his eyes until he reached the park. He got out of his jeep and grabbed his guitar out of the back. The moon was full and high in the sky, providing adequate light for him to find his way to the bank of the stream. Once he made it, he sunk down to the grass and buried his swollen face into his hands. It was only then that he let the tears flow.

A father was supposed to love unconditionally. They were supposed to love, period. It wasn't supposed to be this way. A child wasn't supposed to feel worthless and unloved. Brian cried harder, the pain in his body not come close to matching the intensity of the ache in his heart. Nothing he did was ever good enough. _He_ wasn't good enough. They'd never be proud. He'd never be loved. He'd never be...anything.

Brian's sobs filled the empty night sky.

~

"What the fuck do you want?" Justin shouted into the receiver. His entire body was shaking. "Leave me alone!" __

_"Now Justin,"_ the voice admonished. _"Is that any way to talk to your dear old dad?"_

"Fuck you."

 

~

Brian wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. This is what his life had become. This is what he had to look forward to. What had he done? What could he do? What would make things any better?

Nothing. He was a worthless piece of shit, that he was sure of.

Years and years of crippling abuse piled themselves on top of each other inside of him, like a set of building blocks he never owned. It was a shaky tower of pain and misery.

The tower was about to fall.

~

_  
"What are you doing back in town, Justin?"_ Craig demanded angrily. _"Your mother saw you the other day and informed me of your unwelcome presence. Luckily, you were right there in the phone book. Again, what the fuck are you doing in Pittsburgh? I told you to stay in Seattle."_

"Seattle isn't my home. Pittsburgh is. I moved here a year ago." __

_"Well move back."_

"Why? So your faggot son is clear across the country?" Justin spat out. His fear was quickly dissolving into anger. __

_"You damn near put me out of business! It was in every paper, that little incident of yours."_

"Little incident? He's fucking _dead_ , dad! They killed him and they tried to kill me too!"

Justin threw the cordless phone against the wall so hard that it shattered.

 

~

Brian pulled his guitar case over to his side. He flipped the top up and pulled out a notebook, complete with a book light. The last few years of spending the majority of his free time in a house with no electricity, he had learned to be prepared. He flipped the notebook open to a new page and clipped on the light. 

He took a pen from the case and let the lyrics flow onto the page. Verses of sadness, a chorus to kill. 

This was his pain management.

This was how he coped.

~

Justin sat sobbing on the couch. Baseball bats. Cold steel. Warm blood. Dead, lifeless eyes.

The visions wouldn't stop.

He stood up and screamed, and then picked up his glass of water and threw it at the kitchen wall. It shattered and rained down in a flurry of shards. The light reflected off of the glass and for a second Justin was mesmerized by it. Beauty in chaos.

He knew he couldn't be alone right now.

~

Brian was vaguely aware of his phone vibrating in the back pocket of his jeans. He ignored it and wiped his eyes as he went back to capturing his emotions in messy scrawl.

As long as he had this, he would be ok.

~  
 _  
"You've reached the infamous Brian Kinney. If you are one of the select few that I would like to dedicate my time to, press one. Everyone else, press end."_

Justin smiled at the sound of Brian's voice, even if it was a recording. He pressed end. He couldn't think of anything to say without coming off as needy.

He slid his phone back in his pocket and leaned back against the couch. It was only a few minutes before he remembered the most relaxing place he'd been in years. 

He was behind the wheel of his car within minutes.

~

Brian pulled his guitar from its case and cradled it gently in his lap. He winced at the dried blood on his hands. He set the guitar down and walked to the edge of the stream. He got down on his knees and leaned over the water. The moon was so bright. He looked down to see his reflection in the water. It was too dark to see the full extent of his injuries. He stared at his shadowed face for a few moments before swiping his hand across the surface of the still water, smashing the image.

He dipped his hands into the water and rubbed the blood off. He stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans before returning to his spot in the grass. He placed his beloved instrument in his lap and began to pluck out a tune for his new song.

Within minutes, he had a song.

Now all that was left was to play it.

~

Justin pulled into the parking lot of the city park. He climbed out of the driver's seat and walked between the trees to the path Brian had shown him.

He didn't notice Brian's jeep parked on the street.  
He walked slowly down the path, the cool night air clinging to his body. He stopped when he thought he heard a voice.

He heard the strum of a guitar and his heart sped up.

Brian.

~

Tears welled up in Brian's eyes as he played the first few bars of his song. He opened his mouth to sing but nothing came out. He leaned down and rested his forehead against the cool surface of his guitar as he unleashed more tears. The tears fell from his eyes and etched themselves into the grain of his guitar.

He sat back up and took a deep breath. He was going to play this song.

He placed his fingers on the strings and began to play. His voice was raw, soft, and full of emotion.

_Dearly beloved_  
We're gathered here to mourn  
The death of the young one  
The death of your first born  
And he tried, tried to understand  
Why his lungs gave out  
When his last dying words went out from them 

~

Justin’s jaw dropped as he heard Brian sing and play. His voice was so…raw. Justin leaned against a tree and kept his eyes trained on Brian’s back. He could just barely see the side of his face as he sang.

He could see the younger man’s shoulders shake as he played. His voice cracked with emotion but he played on.

Something was wrong.

The words Brian sang stung Justin’s heart.

_It isn't enough_  
For your family  
It isn't enough  
For your father  
But is it enough  
To break your spirits  
And he's breaking  
Like a thousand windows  
But he's on the pane  
That keeps the glass from hitting the floor 

Justin sunk to the ground, tears running silently down his cheeks. Brian was feeling the same pain he was. Brian didn’t cope with paints and easels. He didn’t spend hours creating canvases, and then even longer trying to scrub the stains from his fingers.

The art Brian created was even more beautiful to Justin.

The song was fast, melodic and consistent. His voice got louder as the song progressed. Justin watched, entranced and unable to move.

_He's the kind of guy you wish would just leave_  
He wears his heart on his sleeve  
You won't see any pictures  
With the whole family  
He doesn't wait, he just goes  
Out of control, before the cops know  
A man who can kill  
Two stones with one bird 

~

Brian was oblivious to his audience as he played from his heart. Tears fell from his eyes and landed on his hands as he played. His stomach and ribs ached as he sang, but he wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop.

_Please step back from that highway_  
Don't you see it goes my way  
Please step back from that highway 

_If you're number eight_  
Then he's number nine  
It adds up half the time  
A teller with no fortune  
A body left out to find 

~

Justin wiped his eyes as the tears flowed freely. His heart was breaking. All he wanted to do was hold Brian in his arms.

_It isn't enough_  
For your family  
It isn't enough  
For your father  
But is it enough  
To break your spirits  
He's kind of like the wind  
You can't see it, but you feel it  
And that's the only way  
You know he's there  
And how can you leave  
A place you've never been to  
Or run away from something  
That’s not chasing  
And it never was 

_Please step back from that highway  
Don't you see it goes my way  
Please step back from that highway_

Justin watched as Brian set his guitar back in the case and began to cry. He immediately got to his feet and walked over to the younger man. Brian heard the footsteps and turned around to face Justin. Brian’s face revealed the shock and surprise Justin was feeling. The blond gasped as he saw the wounds marring his perfect face.

“Brian, what happened to you?” Justin asked softly. Brian got to his feet and Justin cringed when he saw Brian wince and hold his ribs.

“It looks like I can ask you the same question,” Brian replied. Justin closed the distance between them and put his hand on Brian’s bruised cheek.

“I had a bad day,” Justin whispered as he stared into Brian’s eyes.

“Me too.” 

All thoughts of horrible fathers were forgotten when their tear stained lips met in a passionate kiss.

* * *

_  
The song used in this chapter is "Funeral Masses" by Socratic. I have no ties with Socratic, and they hold all copyright._


	12. Bleeding Emotions

**AN:** _Sorry it's taken me so long to post. I'm graduating! I've been so busy lately. Thanks for waiting. I hope to have a flurry of updates this weekend. Yes Britt and Kami, even TTR. =P Please read and review!_

* * *

Brian slammed the door to Justin’s apartment shut before pushing the blond against the wall and attacking his lips with an intensity he had never felt before. He pushed his tongue into Justin’s willing mouth as the older man clawed at his back. Justin pulled Brian’s shirt off and smashed their lips back together. It was only when he saw the blood staining Brian’s shirt out of the corner of his eye that he stopped.

“Wait, wait,” he panted, pushing the young brunet an arm’s length away. Justin studied Brian’s face intently. His eyes were wild, and still brimmed with tears. Dried blood stained bits of his bronzed skin. He wanted to take care of this younger man, but at the same time he wanted to crawl into his strong arms and be protected.

Maybe they could save each other.

Justin pulled Brian into his bedroom and pushed him down on the bed. He ran into the bathroom and returned with a warm, wet cloth. He took Brian’s chin in his hand and tenderly cleaned his wounds. He wiped off all the blood and tears. 

“There, it doesn’t look so bad after you’re all cleaned up.” Brian winced as he ran the cloth over the small gash above his temple. “Fucking asshole couldn’t ruin your gorgeous face.”

Justin knew he had said the wrong thing when a tear slipped from Brian’s slightly swollen eye and traveled down his cheek, dying on his full lips. Justin leaned down and kissed it away.

Brian clutched onto the smaller man and pulled him down onto the bed. He relieved the blond of his tee shirt before rolling them over. Justin didn’t realize his cheeks were wet with tears as well until he tasted salt.

Their hearts were cracking, breaking bit by bit. Furious kisses and harsh breaths masked the pain.

This was a form of pain management neither of them had ever used.

Brian’s fingers fumbled with the button and zipper or Justin’s jeans. The brunet sniffled as he pulled them down along with his underwear. He got off of the bed and stripped out of his remaining clothing before returning to Justin on the bed. He lay down on top of him, naked skin warming naked skin.

Justin wiped Brian’s eyes with his fingertips, and Brian did the same. They stared at each other for a long time before Brian finally spoke.

“I want to feel something other than pain. I want to feel something wonderful, beautiful. I want to feel… _you_.”

Justin nodded and reached over to retrieve a small bottle of lotion. He thrust it into Brian’s hand and the brunet wasted no time in liberally coating his fingers. He slid two into Justin’s ass without hesitation and he marveled at the burn. He wanted more.

He wanted it to hurt. He welcomed this pain.

Brian moved his fingers in and out quickly, kissing Justin just as hard. He let his nails run down Brian’s back and dug them in as he slid in a third finger. Justin moaned and arched his back as the younger man spread his fingers, loosening his hole. Brian pulled his lips from Justin’s neck and coated his bare cock in the lotion. 

Justin watched his entire body shake with anticipation.

Brian positioned the head of his cock at the entrance to the blond’s body. He captured his lips in a searing kiss as he pushed the head of his cock in. He threw his head back and moaned as he penetrated a man for the first time. He figured he should tell Justin. He assumed Justin was experienced, and knew exactly what to do. 

“Justin,” he grunted. “I’ve never done this before.”

“Me neither,” Justin panted. With that, Justin pushed his hips back hard and fast, impaling himself on Brian’s hard dick. He cried out from the harsh pain and intense pleasure that the action brought.

Brian’s eyes popped open and he let out a loud groan as he felt himself slide deep into Justin’s ass. He looked down and saw the tears in Justin’s eyes. He couldn’t believe he was a virgin.

“Jesus Justin. Take it easy.”

“I don’t want to…take…it…easy. Fuck me.” Brian stared into the fierce blue eyes apprehensively. Somewhere deep down, he knew this was wrong. It was wrong to do it like this. But his dick felt too good encased in Justin’s ass. It sent a rush through him that dulled his anger, frustration, and pain. He pulled out slowly, and thrust back in hard. Justin screamed and he groaned. It was like a fire had been lit inside of him, burning each nerve ending. This was amazing. Justin was amazing. Pull out, thrust. Lose all coherent thought.

Soon the pair was rocking against each other, moving in a steady rhythm. Too fast. Not nearly fast enough. Brian groaned and licked the sweat from Justin’s upper lip. Justin dug his fingernails into the flesh of Brian’s hips so hard that he winced. He bit the blond’s bottom lip in retaliation, and then sucked on it to soothe the pain.

It was raw. It was rough. It was fucking _beautiful_.

Brian’s heart beat furiously against his ribcage. Only, it wasn’t out of fear. It was because of something wonderful. That same something wonderful was currently moaning and writhing underneath him, panting his name and scratching at his flesh.

“Justin…” Brian moaned, running his fingers through blond, sweat soaked hair. Justin pulled him down until their lips crashed together. The kiss was intense, mind blowing, heightened only by the sensation of Brian’s cock sliding in and out of his ass.

Justin pulled away and came with a strangled cry. Cum spurted out of his leaking dick in thick ropes, painting his chest in the milky liquid. He rode out his intense orgasm, shutting his eyes against it. 

Brian came seconds later, pulling at Justin’s hair. It was only a split second later, when Justin felt Brian’s hot seed shoot deep into his body, he realized what they had forgotten.

They didn’t use a condom.

Justin didn’t have much time to worry about the lack of latex, because when Brian smiled sleepily at him with half lidded eyes, he forgot about everything except for the expression on his face. 

“That was…” 

“Intense, amazing, unbelievable?” Justin offered.

“Perfect.” Brian smiled and pulled out of Justin. The blond whimpered his disapproval. They shared another kiss, and fell sleep together, all wet and sticky.


	13. Bleeding Emotions

**AN:** Sorry for the long wait. Thanks to Kami, who will sit there on the phone with great patience and listen as I ramble and work out the kinks out loud. She's always giving me ideas. Thanks Kami, you're the best. It's currently four in the morning, so I blame any mistakes on that. Please read and review!

* * *

_Justin stared out of the plate glass window of the coffee shop, lost in his thoughts. Rain pounded against the glass, the wind making it rattle in its frame. Justin’s eyes followed the rivets, without really knowing what he was seeing. A gentle hand on his shoulder broke him from his thoughts._

_“We’re closing up, kiddo,” the older woman told him softly. Justin sniffed and blinked away an unshed tear. He nodded and stood up. “I hate to kick you out into the rain like this. I can give you a ride somewhere if you want, Justin.”_

_“No, no thanks.” Sue’s heart broke as she watched the broken young man in front of her. Every day he would come in, order a coffee, and stare out of the window overlooking the city and the sea. She never once saw him smile. Not once. He would stare, or sketch, or read. He would only talk to her, never anyone else._

_“Why don’t you go home?” She asked him. He looked at her with sad eyes._

_“I am. It’s just up the street.”_

_“No, not where you sleep at night. Go **home** , Justin.” He looked up at her and swallowed hard._

_“I can’t,” he choked out. She smiled and placed her hand on his shoulder._

_“Then go back and make yourself a new one.” He looked up at her, with a strong jaw and determined eyes. For the first time ever, she saw him smile._

_She never saw Justin again._

When Justin opened his eyes, a cloud of black swallowed him. It was so dark. He was hot, sticky, sweaty, weighted down. Brian’s hair tickled his shoulder. Brian’s breath warmed his chest. Brian was everywhere.

Justin wanted to run away and pull Brian closer.

He wanted to never see him again and kiss him forever.

He wanted to love him.

He didn’t have a clue what he wanted.

All he knew was, if Brian made that sleep induced whimper against his chest one more time, he was never letting go. 

Then Brian whimpered again.

Justin felt the fluttering of feather light eyelashes against his skin before he had the time to sort out his thoughts. Brian’s eyes found his even in the dark, curious hazel meeting apprehensive blue.

“Hey,” Brian whispered, breaking the silence. His eyes flickered from Justin’s eyes to his lips and back, silently begging for the permission that Justin so desperately wanted to give him.

A kiss can mean so much. 

A kiss can mean a future. A kiss can mean a tear. A kiss can mean uncertainty, pain, contentment, fear, and happiness. So much can happen the moment two pairs of lips meet.

As Brian’s lips lingered so close to his, Justin thought about the last boy he kissed. That kiss meant death. 

What would this kiss mean?

Justin swallowed hard and Brian ran his fingertips along his cheek. Justin’s tongue darted out to wet his lips.

Could he risk it?

His weekend to forget was over. From the moment he met Brian, he refused to think about his past. Now, his past had come back to slap him in the face, and he was scared.

Did his fear overcome his desire to feel Brian’s lips against his again?

Not if he could help it.

“Can I kiss you?” Brian asked in a voice that was almost as apprehensive as Justin’s expression. The blond nodded softly. “You look scared.”

“I am,” he admitted in a whisper.

“Of what?”

“Us.” A long time passed as they stared into each other’s eyes. Brian gently stroked Justin’s cheek with the pad of his thumb.

“Me too,” Brian whispered against Justin’s lips. 

The kiss was all softness and grace. They spilled their emotions into each other and held on for dear life.

“I will never hurt you,” Brian told him, eyes glassy with unshed tears. Justin smiled wistfully.

“You can’t promise that,” came Justin’s hushed reply. Brian stared into the blue pools and gave him a tiny smirk.

“I can sure as hell try.”

~~~~~

“Where are you going?” Justin asked as Brian rolled out of his arms the next morning.

“I have to go to school,” Brian said with a scowl. All he wanted to do was go back to sleep. Justin took in the bruises marring his skin, looking even angrier in the morning sunlight.

“Then what?” Brian stood up straight at this question. He was currently homeless. That realization hit him harder than a kick from his father.

“I…I don’t know. I can’t go home. Shit.” Justin made a snap decision, getting out of bed quickly. He rested his forehead between Brian’s shoulder blades and ran his fingertips up his sides.

“You’re going to stay here.” Brian whipped around and Justin rubbed his nose from the friction. 

“I wouldn’t impose on you like that,” Brian replied.

“Who would be imposing? I _want_ you here,” Justin told him. “I have an extra bedroom, if for someone reason you would want to sleep in there.”

Brian raised an eyebrow and smiled before gathering the small blond into his arms. He placed a firm kiss to his forehead and smiled against his warm skin.

“Okay,” he whispered. Justin smiled and maneuvered Brian back towards the bed. He laid them down on it and covered Brian with a blanket. The brunet yawned and glanced up at Justin. “What are you doing?”

“Making you go back to sleep,” Justin replied.

“Can’t,” Brian argued weakly. “School.”

“Not today. Today you rest.”

“Mmm…kay.”

“Work today?” Brian nodded, his eyes still closed.

“Four to eleven.” Justin nodded and leaned over, kissing Brian’s lips softly.

“Sleep.”

“Yes.” Justin watched Brian until his breathing evened out. He looked so beautiful as he slept. He padded over to the phone in the living room and dialed a forever familiar number.

_”Hello?”_

“Hey Debbie? It’s Justin. Did I wake you?”

_”Sunshine! No, you didn’t. What’s up?”_

“Well, I have one of your busboys here, and I don’t think he should come in today. Or maybe for the next few days.”

_What the hell are you talking about? Which busboy?”_ Debbie asked, genuinely confused. Justin smiled.

“Brian. He’s here asleep. He’s banged up pretty bad. I’m sure you out of all people know about his dad?” Justin asked, twirling the phone cord around his fingers.

_”Shit. Yeah, I know. Is he alright?”_

“He’ll be fin-“

_”Hold on a god damn minute. How did you meet Brian? When? Why is he at your apartment at eight in the morning? Oh my god. Did you two fuck? You would make the perfect couple.”_

“Debbie.”

_”This is so-“_

“Debbie! We met at his show on Friday and kind of hit it off. I’ll tell you all about it later. I just wanted to tell you that Brian can barely stand up straight, let alone bus tables.”

_”That’s fine. Tell him to take all the time he needs. I wish someone would knock some sense into his fucking father.”_

“Yeah,” Justin agreed, feeling his blood boil at just the thought of the elder Kinney.

_”You take care of him Sunshine.”_

“I will.”

_”Okay, later kiddo.”_

“Bye.” Justin hung up the phone with a soft click and retrieved two small pain pills and a glass of water from the kitchen. He walked back into the bedroom and knelt at Brian’s side. 

“Hey,” the blond whispered, gently shaking Brian awake.

“Hmm?” 

“Take these.” The brunet’s eyes opened and his hand snaked out under the covers. He took the pills and patted the bed next to him. 

“In,” he commanded with a goofy grin. Justin smiled back and crawled under the covers. Brian immediately took him in his arms and they fell asleep together in a pile of tired limbs and naked skin.

~~~~~

Graham and Juliana walked hand in hand into their Chemistry class and sat down next to Michael and Lindsay. The raven-haired teen immediately noticed the absence of their other friend.

“Where’s Brian?” Graham asked. Michael and Lindsay looked at each other and shrugged. 

“We haven’t seen him,” Lindsay replied.

“Weird,” said Graham. “He never misses class.”

“Unless…” Michael said softly.

“Unless what?”

“Unless his dad beat the shit out of him.” The four of them all looked at each other with worried expressions. 

“Shit,” Graham uttered. Then the teacher began to take roll, and there was nothing they could do until after class.

~~~~~

Justin woke up to the ringing of a cell phone. He located the aggravating object on the floor next to the bed, picked it up, and answered it.

“Hello?” He answered groggily.

_”Who is this?”_ A girl answered hotly. Justin scowled and sat up in bed.

“No, who is this? You called me.”

_”No, I called Brian. Why do you have his phone?”_ Justin pulled the cell phone away from his ear only to realize that it indeed wasn’t his phone. He chuckled and brought the phone back to his ear. 

“Lindsay I presume. This is Justin. I met you on Friday. I’m sorry. I was sleeping and thought this was my phone. Brian is right here. Let me wake him up.”

_”Justin. Hi!”_ Lindsay replied, her voice changing from aggressive to sugary sweet in the blink of an eye. 

“My don’t we sound chipper all of a sudden?” Justin teased. 

_”Sorry, we were just worried about Bri. He never misses school unless his, well, unless something bad happens. But now we know a certain blond is keeping him sequestered away,”_ she laughed. 

“Something like that. Hold on.” Justin rolled over and gently shook Brian awake. The brunet lifted his head and Justin held out the phone. “Kinney Search Party on the line.”

“Hello?” Brian said into the phone.

_”What happened with you and Justin! Tell me!”_

“No.”

_”Wank!”_

“Hi Graham.”

_”Why didn’t you tell us you were getting bloody shagged?”_

“It’s not what you think.”

_”Liar.”_

“Loser.”

_“Brian Kinney’s cherry is all goooone!”_

“I’m hanging up now.”

_”Yeah to go have more hot heavy man sex!”_

“You do realize you’re straight.”

_”Yeah. And?”_ Brian rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Thanks for caring, mate. I’m fine. I’ll talk you later.” Brian hit end and laughed as he placed the phone on the nightstand. 

“You’ve got some awesome friends,” Justin told him as he rolled on his side to face him.

“Yeah,” Brian replied. “They’re great.”

Justin watched Brian closely. He studied the way his eyelashes barely touched his cheek, the way his chest rose and fell with each breath, the way his hair shone in the sunlight.

Yes, he was completely enamored with this younger man. Three days earlier he wouldn’t commit to a pair of socks, but now he was completely captivated by him, and wasn’t sure he could function properly without his presence.

That scared him more than anything.

“What are you thinking about?” Justin asked, breaking the silence that had settled like a heavy fog around them. Justin wanted to hear Brian speak. He loved the way is voice tumbled out of his mouth in harsh, throaty tones. His accent made Justin tremble with desire. 

“Last night,” Brian replied cryptically, his eyes trained on an invisible spot on the ceiling. 

“What about last night?” Justin asked, staring at Brian as he stared up. The brunet was silent for a long time, contemplating his answer.

“About what we did,” he breathed. “How I treated you. It wasn’t right.” Justin’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. He shook his head and scooted closer to Brian.

“What do you mean?”

“I could have hurt you. Did I?” Justin suddenly realized what he was talking about. He sighed and placed his hand on Brian’s chest.

“I won’t say I’m not a little sore, but I would be anyhow. We were both too far gone. Too much adrenaline. Too much everything. I’m fine,” Justin assured him. Brian finally turned his head to lock eyes with Justin.

“That’s not how I wanted it to happen,” he whispered. Justin nodded and threaded his fingers in Brian’s silky hair. He kissed the younger man tenderly, craving him.

“I know,” he replied in a hushed tone.

“I want to make love to you. I want to do it right.” Brian pressed his lips against Justin’s and kissed him passionately, pulling the smaller man flush against his body. He rolled on top of Justin, but his sore muscles protested the action, making him cry out in pain.

“Okay,” Justin said, rolling Brian back onto his back. “You rest.”

“I don’t want to. I want to be inside of you.” Justin smiled and kissed him again.

“I have no doubts that you will be. But for now, you let me do the work.” Brian looked up at him with wide, curious eyes that fluttered shut as Justin placed soft kisses along his face, exploring every curve and dip, committing each feature to memory. 

He moved lower, softly tonguing the hollow of Brian’s throat, making him sigh with delight. Justin spent time on each bruise, old and new. He treated them with broad swipes of his warm tongue and wet, open mouth kisses. He heard Brian’s content sighs and continued his treatment.

By the time he had reached Brian’s hips, the younger man was fast asleep, the smile on his face knocking the last bit of concrete off of Justin’s heart.


	14. Bleeding Emotions

**AN** : _Sorry for the ass long wait. Thanks to Kami and Carrie. Enjoy and review._

* * *

Justin lived the kind of life where whenever he got to a point in life where he was truly _happy_ , he got scared.

Justin wasn’t allowed to be happy. 

He watched Brian cross the living room, cell phone in hand. The other hand was on his chest, as if protecting his bruises. It was Wednesday evening, two days since Justin convinced Brian to stay. He watched Brian talk excitedly. Barely an hour went by that his phone didn’t ring. Justin admired the camaraderie, and remembered how he, Daphne, and Emmett had talked so often.

Brian gave Justin a smile before walking towards the hallway leading towards the bedrooms. Brian was always moving.

_”Have you two fucked again yet?”_ Graham asked. Brian rolled his eyes and walked further down the hallway.

“You know, your constant inquiries about my homosexual sexcapades make me doubt your sexuality,” Brian teased.

_”What homosexual sexcapades, mate? Justin is the first guy you’ve ever shagged. Oh, and if you ever doubt that I’m all about the pussy, just ask Jules what she did last night.”_

“Suave.”

_”Did you shag again, then?”_

“No.”

_”Bloody hell. Why not?”_

“I don’t know,” Brian replied, switching the phone to his other ear. “First it was because I was too sore. And now that I feel better, it just hasn’t happened yet. I think we’re both scared.” He paused, leaning against the wall. 

_”Don’t be scared, mate. Just go for it. You two obviously care about each other, or you wouldn’t be living in his flat. He wouldn’t have asked you to.”_

“I know. I like him so much.” Brian looked down the hallway before sighing. “I really want to be with him again. I want to do it right.”

_”Then go for it, you wank.”_ Brian paused to consider this, running his forefinger over his lips.

“You’re right.”

_”Damn right I’m right. Now go. Shag your knob off.”_ Brian laughed and started back down the hallway towards Justin. 

“Later, mate.” He hung up the phone and dropped on the sofa next to Justin. “I need to start shutting me blower off.” At Justin’s confused expression, he amended himself. “Me phone.” Justin smiled and turned back towards the television.

The sexual tension between them was thick. They both slept in Justin’s bed at night, and they always woke up entangled in the morning. They shared brief kisses, but nothing too serious.

Brian wanted to change that.

He had also decided to take a week off from school, for no other reason than to relax. Debbie had also ordered him to take a week off from work, for no other reason than she said so.

Justin also took a week off from his classes. They could both use a little relaxation.

Brian looked over at the blond and nodded, as if deciding something. He smiled and made a dramatic show of falling backwards, his head landing in Justin’s lap. The blond looked down in surprise, and then smiled at the expression on Brian’s face. His fingers automatically went to Brian’s shaggy chestnut hair, combing through it gently.

“This movie bores me,” Brian announced. Justin laughed.

“Well, you haven’t watched enough to even know what’s going on. You keep leaving me to talk on the phone,” Justin teased, his fingers running down Brian’s nose and over his lips. Brian softly kissed his fingertips and then sat up. He looked into Justin’s eyes for a moment before softly pressing his lips against Justin’s. The blond responded, but then tensed when Brian tried to slip his tongue between his lips.

The teen pulled away, seemingly offended. Justin lowered his head, not meeting Brian’s eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Brian asked, placing his hand on Justin’s shoulder. Justin shook his head, running his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t know,” Justin replied. Brian knew it was a lie.

“Do you not want me to kiss you?” Brian asked timidly, biting his bottom lip. Justin shook his head quickly.

“That’s not it,” Justin whispered, scooting closer to Brian. “I want you to kiss me. I want you to make love to me.” Brian gulped.

“Then what’s the problem?” He asked. Justin looked down, his eyes glimmering with unshed tears. “What’s wrong, Justin?” Brian asked, reaching out to touch the man’s shoulder. Tears fell from Justin’s eyes and Brian began to panic. “Justin, tell me.”

“I can’t,” he cried. Brian gently gathered Justin into his arms, and the blond didn’t flinch. Instead, he relaxed in Brian’s embrace. The brunet felt hot tears on his neck.

“Justin, do you trust me?” Brian asked, running his fingertips up and down the older man’s back. Justin concentrated on his voice, his endearing accent. He took a deep breath and clutched to him tighter. “Do you?”

“Yes,” he replied in a whisper.

When you fall in love, it's supposed to be all daisies and sunshine. Not this. But no, that would be too easy, too convenient. But Justin fell deeper still as this teenager held onto him for dear life, despite his flaws.

“I trust you,” Justin said with more conviction, looking into Brian’s hazel eyes. Brian smoothed his hair away from his face and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Then tell me why you’re afraid of me,” Brian told him, his voice breaking a little. Justin sighed, wiping his eyes with the back of one hand before placing it on Brian’s shoulder.

“Something happened to me,” Justin started, averting his eyes, “back in high school.”

“Go on,” Brian coaxed gently. He took Justin’s hand in his and intertwined their fingers together. Justin swallowed hard and looked up at him.

“In my senior year, there was this guy…Danny. We flirted a lot, all through the year. He was in my gym class.” He paused and Brian sighed, still holding Justin’s hand. “One day, near graduation, Chris Hobbs overheard us flirting. I can’t even remember what I said to Danny, but I remember the look on Chris’ face.” Justin closed his eyes and shook his head.

“It’s okay,” Brian reassured him, squeezing his hand. The brunet understood how important it was that Justin talked about this. 

“Well,” Justin continued, “Chris and one of his friends, John, starting pushing us around. The four of got into a fight in the middle of gym class. When the teacher came over to break us all up, he told Chris and John to hit the showers. Then he told Danny and I that we had detention, and we were to spend it cleaning out the equipment room.”

“That’s fucked up,” Brian said, sliding his hand under the blond’s shirt. He relaxed against the touch.

“I know. So, Danny and I were cleaning out the equipment room, and somehow we starting kissing. I had never kissed anyone before. He pushed me against the lockers, and, um, slid his hand into my pants. Then he told me he wanted to fuck me.”

Brian closed his eyes. He didn’t really want to hear this, by the sound of it. But he kept lightly rubbing Justin’s lower back, urging him to go on.

“I was really out of it, so I said yes without even really thinking about where we were, what that meant. He pulled a condom out of his pocket. I remember it was red, and I was scared, and he was smiling. And then,” he broke off as a sob erupted from his lips. Brian held him tighter, pressing kisses to his forehead and temple.

“And then what?” He whispered gently, soothingly massaging Justin’s scalp. The blond inwardly cursed himself for carrying on like such a child, but he couldn’t help it. But Brian didn’t seem to mind that he was crying into his neck, shaking on his lap. He was trying to comfort him, soothe him.

He fell a little more.

“And then Chris and John came in, probably to fuck with us some more. They saw us kissing, with his hand down my pants.” Brian’s breath caught in his throat. He clutched Justin tighter as a million and one worst case scenarios whizzed through his brain. But he remained silent, his breaths ragged on the top of Justin’s head. “They saw us, and Danny pulled away really fast. They started coming towards us, and Chris grabbed a baseball bat…”

_”You fucking faggots!” Chris yelled. Justin opened his eyes, still dizzy from his first kiss. His eyes focused just in time to see Chris swing._

_Cold wood met warm bone. There was a crack, and Danny dropped to the ground. Justin focused on the blood spilling from his head and for the first time, feared for his own life._

Brian grimaced, his fingers dancing along Justin’s skull with more purpose now, searching for a scar, a sign of the end of the tale.

“Chris, he hit Danny. He hit him in the head so hard, Brian. I saw it. Danny dropped like there wasn’t a bone in his body, like he was never alive to begin with. There was so much blood. It was just cascading from his head. I couldn’t look away. I was _so_ afraid. I was afraid they were going to kill me.”

Brian felt like such an asshole for being relieved that Justin was not the one that had gotten hit. His heart pounded against his chest so hard that he knew Justin could feel it. He took a deep breath, concentrating on Justin.

Nothing mattered but Justin. Nothing _existed_ but Justin.

“Then, I looked up. The backs of my knees were against the bench, with the lockers behind me. And I looked up, and John punched me. I remember my hands flying up to my face and I fell over the bench and the back of my head hit the lockers. _Hard._ And it knocked me out.”

And that’s when Brian felt it, a small line of raised skin on the back of Justin’s head. A reminder, a scar. Brian felt a tear escape his eye.

“I’m so sorry,” Brian mumbled as Justin continued to cry softly against his chest. “What happened?”

“When I came to, I was covered in blood. I know I had only been out for a few minutes. It was warm, and sticky. I looked over…”

_His eyes were open, lifeless and cold. Blood stained the concrete, coppery and dark. Justin tried to open his mouth, tried to scream, tried to do anything. But there was nothing he could do…_

“And Danny was dead.”

“Fuck,” Brian gasped. His vision grew blurry with tears, and Justin’s sobs grew louder, and Brian smoothed his fingers up and down Justin’s back under his shirt. He didn’t know what to do, how to act.

Justin’s sobs died down, and they were both silent for a long time. Brian’s lips were resting against Justin’s temple, his arms firmly grasping him. And then Justin spoke again.

“I finally screamed,’ Justin whispered softly. “I screamed louder than I can ever remember screaming, and a guy ran in. I didn’t know who he was. He looked like a freshman.” Justin sat up a little, wiping his eyes. “He looked from me, to Danny’s body, and then he screamed. And all I could think was ‘please stop screaming’.”

_Please stop screaming._

_Please stop screaming._

_“What the fuck happened?” He cried, chest rising and falling. Justin tried to make his mouth work, but he was spiraling into blackness. Pain rippled through him and he could barely make sense._

_“Get help,” he whispered hoarsely, and everything went dark again._

“When I woke up again, I was in the hospital. I remember it was the middle of the night, and I woke up to complete darkness. I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t say anything. I remember I started crying, really hard. Then a nurse came in, and a doctor, and my mother. I told them all to go away, but they wouldn’t stop touching me, smothering me.”

_Please don’t touch me._

_Please don’t touch me._

_“Justin, oh god Justin. Are you alright?” His mother cupped his bandaged face in her palms, trying to act like she truly cared. The doctor touched his chest, the nurse touched his wrist._

_Please don’t fucking touch me._

_He screamed bloody murder._

“I screamed. I screamed until they left me alone. And then I cried until I fell back asleep.” Justin wiped his eyes again. And then Justin wiped Brian’s eyes. He didn’t even know he had been crying. “I’m sorry I’m upsetting you,” Justin whispered, eyes lowered. Brian quickly shook his head. 

“Baby,” he said quickly. He paused; surprised he had said such a thing. Justin looked up, and his eyes looked a little brighter, so Brian decided he’d keep on using the pet name. “It’s okay. I want you to talk about it. I want you to know you can tell me anything, and it’ll be okay.” Justin smiled, albeit weakly, and that was reason enough for Brian to endure anything he had to say. “What happened next?”

“Well,” Justin sighed, and Brian knew this story wasn’t going to get any happier. “What happened was in every paper, on every news station. People tried to interview me about it, but I wouldn’t talk.” Brian tried to think back, to see if he could remember hearing about it. But he would have been thirteen at the time, still in Ireland. “Emmett and Daphne were by my bed almost constantly. They were the only people I would allow near me. But, on my third day in the hospital, my dad showed up, and he was pissed.”

“Wait, why was your dad pissed?” Brian asked, face twisting up in confusion.

“It seems he didn’t enjoy finding out his son was gay on the 5 o’clock news. I don’t know how the reporters found out we were gay. Chris and John must have said something. Anyway, my dad’s name was plastered everywhere, and it was all connected to his faggot son. Apparently, it wasn’t too good for business.”

“How the fuck could he care about business after what happened to you?” Brian demanded. Justin smiled weakly.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “But he sure didn’t want me there anymore. He informed me that after I graduated, which I would be doing early, I was on a plane to Seattle. Once there, I would live with my half dead Aunt Jean, and attend Seattle University. I would never come back to Pittsburgh. I was thoroughly and effectively _disowned_.” Justin sighed again and Brian closed his eyes against the rage he felt welling up inside of him.

“Fucker,” he muttered, not knowing what else to say. “What did your mom do?”

“Go against Craig Taylor’s wishes and give up the luxurious life she had grown so accustomed to? Yeah right. She just helped me pack my bags and told me to have a nice life.” Brian shook his head. “So, in Seattle, I threw myself into my art. Got recognized in a few shows, made some money. A lot of money, actually. But I wasn’t happy.”

“I can’t imagine how you could have been,” Brian told him, moving his hand around to rub Justin’s stomach. “When did you decide to come back?”

“Right after I painted that, actually.” Justin pointed to the picture on the wall over the entertainment center, the ruined city on the edge of a crystal blue sea. Brian nodded. “It was about a year ago. Someone told me to go home, and I did.”

“I’m so glad you did,” Brian whispered, pulling Justin closer. “What happened to Chris and John?” 

“Daphne told me Chris was found guilty of voluntary manslaughter, and was sentenced to ten years in prison. Nothing happened to John.” Brian sighed, glad Chris was locked up. 

“So I understand why intimacy scares you,” Brian whispered after a few moments. Justin sighed and leaned back against him.

“I actually feel a lot better now that I’ve talked about it, and cried it out. I guess when we had sex I was just too out of it to even think about it, but afterwards, whenever things got too heavy, I just saw flashes of that day.”

“I understand,” Brian told him, pressing soft kisses to his face. Justin caught his lips with his own and kissed him softly. He looked into Brian’s eyes for a long time, searching him. He kissed him once more and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair. Then he whispered, so quietly and timidly that Brian had to strain to hear him.

“Dare to try again?”


	15. Bleeding Emotions

**AN** : _Sorry for the super long wait! This chapter is all for Vanna. Please read and review!_

* * *

Brian looked into Justin’s eyes for a long while after his request. He wanted so badly to make love to the blond in front of him. Justin was counting on him to replace a terrible memory with something incredible, something so amazing that he would smile for hours, for days. He would smile forever if Brian had anything to say about it.

And he fully intended to.

“Baby,” Brian whispered, once again finding joy in the way Justin’s eyes grew brighter at the word. He put his hand on Justin’s cheek. “I would love to try again. Are you sure you want to?” 

“Yes,” Justin nodded. His face had begun to return to its natural pale color, the red clearing up. He leaned closer to Brian, both of his hands on Brian’s chest. “Yes, I want to.”

“Okay,” Brian sighed happily. He stood up and held his hand out for Justin. The blond stood up and slipped his hand into Brian’s, a perfect fit. Brian felt Justin trembling, and squeezed his hand tighter. They walked to Justin’s bedroom, _their_ bedroom, together. 

They sat on the edge of the bed and looked at each other. They were both so nervous, trembling with anticipation and fear. Their stomachs were turning, twisting and slipping inside of them.

Justin started to pull his tee shirt over his head, and Brian helped him. “Let me do it,” he whispered, stroking his cheek with his thumb. Justin nodded and Brian softly pushed him back against the bed. He pulled his own shirt off and tossed it aside. Justin’s legs hung partially off of the bed and Brian knelt between them. He unzipped the blond’s jeans and pulled them slowly off of his hips. Justin lifted his ass and Brian caught his fingertips on Justin’s underwear, pulling those down as well. Justin’s breath caught as the last article of his clothing was strewn aside. 

Brian stood up and quickly slipped out of his jeans, kicking them to the side. He climbed onto the bed tentatively, propping himself up on his side next to Justin. His hand traveled up Justin’s arm and over his chest, feeling his nipples harden against his palm. He leaned in closer and pressed a soft kiss to Justin’s lips. The blond kissed him back.

Brian kept his lips slightly parted, waiting for Justin to make the move that would progress the night along. Brian was almost surprised when he felt Justin’s tongue slide into his mouth, albeit slowly. Brian’s hand slid into the blond hair, caressing his scalp as they plundered each other’s mouths. Brian felt Justin growing hard against his hip, and his hand started to explore other territory.

As they kissed, his hand traveled over the older man’s collarbone and down his chest. He thumbed one pink, pert nipple and then the other. His hand slid lower, over his flat tummy. His fingertip dipped into the blond’s bellybutton. Justin giggled softly into Brian’s mouth, and the teen reveled in the sound. His hand traveled lower, tickling the soft golden hairs leading to his groin.

His hand slid over Justin’s hips, caressing them softly. The blond remained on his back, sighing from the attention. Brian’s lips followed the trail of his hand, placing soft kisses down his neck and over his collarbone. He kissed down Justin’s chest, pressing his lips against a hard nipple. His tongue crept out and swiped across it, making Justin gasp. He sucked softly on the bud before moving down further, his hand slowing making its way closer to Justin’s swelling cock.

He was moving so slow, letting Justin revel in every sensation, every touch.

He circled Justin’s belly button with his tongue, rimming it softly. Justin twitched slightly, and then sighed deeply. He moved lower, until his mouth was hovering directly over Justin’s hard dick. He blew on it softly, eyes flitting up to Justin’s face. His eyes were still closed, so he took the head of his cock in his mouth and suckled gently.

Justin’s mouth fell open, a soft moan escaping his swollen lips. Brian knew that Justin hadn’t experienced this, any of this. All he had were Brian’s kisses, and that fuck.

And Danny, who was murdered before there was barely any space between their lips. He shuddered, and vowed he would give Justin perfection. He would make love to him until he had no doubt that he was cherished.

He slid his lips up and down Justin’s shaft, hollowing out his cheeks. He cupped Justin’s balls in his hand as he sucked him. His eyelids fluttered as Justin’s moans hit his ears. They were so sexy, so guttural.

Brian moved down, sucking and kissing his way to Justin’s hole. He blew on it softly before pressing a soft kiss to it. Justin hissed and drew his legs up, and Brian lifted his head. Justin looked down at him, eyes dark and half lidded. He smiled, and something inside Brian’s heart fluttered.

He ran his tongue over the soft folds before slowly working it inside. Justin writhed in pleasure, his mind giving itself over to the way his body felt. Brian rimmed him softly, running his hands up and down the blond’s thighs. He withdrew his tongue and replaced it with a single finger. Justin’s back arched at the intrusion.

Brian slid up the blond’s body, kissing patches of pale skin turned red by rushing blood. He inserted another finger as he gently bit Justin’s collarbone. His own cock was hard and leaking, so far neglected. 

Brian’s eyes opened and he stopped all movement. Justin looked over at him, eyes glazed.

“We didn’t use a condom last time,” Brian said plainly. Justin nodded. “So, do we continue not using condoms? I mean, I’m clean, so you don’t have anything to worry about. I’ve never had sex before you.” Justin cleared his throat, trying to make his lips move.

“I don’t think we need them,” Justin stated, his fingers curling into Brian’s hair. The brunet smiled and nodded slightly, kissing Justin on the lips. “I want you inside me,” Justin panted against Brian’s swollen lips.

“Okay,” Brian whispered, swallowing his nervousness. A small bottle of Lubriderm lotion was thrust into his hand and his fingers clasped around it. He climbed between Justin’s legs and swiftly prepared him, watching every expression on the blond’s face. He tossed the lotion aside and positioned himself between his legs.

“Put your legs up on me shoulders, like this,” Brian said sexily. Justin sighed.

“Keep talking and your accent will make me cum before your dick does,” Justin laughed nervously. Brian smiled and pushed Justin’s damp hair out of his face before kissing him softly. He could see the slight fear in Justin’s eyes and did his best to kiss it away.

“Ready?” He asked, swallowing his own nervousness down, focusing only on Justin. This was all about Justin. Every single movement, kiss, sigh…it was all for Justin. The blond could only nod slowly, fingertips gripping Brian’s shoulders hard.

Lips pressed firmly together, Brian slid inside. Justin’s lips tightened into a wince against Brian’s kiss, and the teen stilled. He felt Justin’s wet, hot breath against his lips, panting and eager. Brian didn’t move, although his body was trembling. His eyes were open, staring down at Justin’s eyelids, blond eyelashes against pale cheeks. Sweat drops adorned his face, glistening like jewels in the twilight flooding in the open window.

This, Brian thought, is what perfection looked like.

But then Justin opened his eyes and proved him wrong. Perfection could be found in those shades of blue. Their noses touched, bumping together on accident. Justin released his abused bottom lip from between his teeth, parting his lips. Brian’s eyes moved down to his lips, strawberry red and so full. He stared back into Justin’s eyes as he pressed his own lips to Justin’s, kissing as he slid all the way in. Fingertips dug deeper, bruising shoulders and hips.

Justin sighed, arching his back against Brian, burning nipples brushing damp skin. Brian moaned almost inaudibly, sliding out of Justin only to return just as slowly.

Neither of them could blink, in fear of missing one single second. Justin loosened his grip on Brian’s shoulders, opting to let them glide over smooth, golden skin. Brian reveled in the touch, his fingertips leaving paths of fire on his skin.

Brian brought one hand up Justin’s body, sliding his fingertips along his neck and up into his hair. Justin turned into the touch instinctively as he began to move his hips with Brian’s, matching each soft thrust.

The teen rested his forehead against Justin’s, grunting softly as his thrusts came a little faster. And then Brian smiled, a grin that split his cheeks, because he suddenly felt so happy, so saturated in perfect bliss, that he couldn’t _not_ smile.

Justin was his, his forever to hold and honor and cherish, and everything else ever said without meaning in endless weddings. But Brian meant it, meant it so much that his heart beat only for this man below him. He grinned because he was free, smiled because now he could _live_ , live and love with Justin. Always Justin, forever Justin.

The only thing he wished for that he knew he couldn’t have in that moment, was that he could capture this in a song. He knew he couldn’t. There are no words to describe such a feeling, nothing he could ever say, or sing, or play on a guitar. No note could ever capture the heaven that was this moment.

But that was okay, because this was only for them. He wanted to be selfish and keep every piece of this for Justin and himself, so they could get high off of it like giddy teenagers who didn’t have a care in the world. He grinned so hard that his cheeks hurt and Justin laughed beneath him, kissing the corner of his grin and making him grin harder.

“What?” Justin asked, a tiny laugh escaping between harsh breaths. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth, taking a deep breath through his nose. He pulled Justin’s hips tighter against him, his dick reaching that spot inside him, making his lips part and a moan escape between them.

“I’m just,” Brian panted, thrusting again, “happy.” Justin smiled and put his hand on Brian’s cheek, tracing invisible patterns.

“Me too.” Brian kissed him then, his thrusts become more erratic as he edged closer to the brink. He moaned softly against Justin’s lips, kissing him when he had enough air in his lungs. His hand crept down Justin’s body, grasping his leaking dick firmly in his hand, lightly stroking in time with his thrusts. “Oh,” he whispered, closing his eyes against the pleasure.

Brian licked his lips and kissed Justin again. The older man’s body tensed, and he moaned as he came, dappling their stomachs with the fluid. Brian groaned as Justin’s hole constricted around him, coaxing his orgasm from him.

He closed his eyes but still saw Justin, smiling and beautiful, as he came deep inside of him. He opened his eyes, and there he was, still smiling and beautiful.

Justin swallowed hard and smiled as he came down from his orgasm. Brian collapsed on top of him, and he wrapped his arms around him immediately, kissing every part of his face he could reach with long, slow brushes of his lips.

Brian’s face was buried in his neck, lips lightly kissing and sucking. Justin looked over Brian’s shoulder, watching his pale hands travel down his back, so sexy and strong. He closed his eyes and sighed happily.

He felt…liberated. For years, there was this burden on his shoulders, a living nightmare that refused to die. It was always there, the memories, the pain. It always hovered, like some shadow or a solitary cartoon rain cloud.

But now…this was something completely different. His smile was authentic, persistent and real. And it was all because of Brian.

All because of…love.

Brian’s hips shifted and his softening dick slipped from his hole. Justin felt the loss and sighed, wrapping one leg around Brian’s waist. The brunet rolled onto his back, and the two of them looked up at the ceiling, processing feelings and panting.

Justin looked over at Brian, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath. His hand reached over, trailing down Brian’s chest and stomach, milk against honey.

The blond rolled over, resting his head on Brian’s shoulder. The teen’s arm came up, wrapping around Justin’s torso.

“How was that?” Brian panted, his mind still reeling with the sensations of fucking, no, _loving_ this man. It was so new, fresh, so pure. He wanted to bottle it, capture in case it ever disappeared on him. He didn’t want to lose it. He didn’t want it to fade away.

“Perfect, _amazing_ ,” Justin sighed in dreamy schoolgirl fashion. He knew this, knew he sounded so flying high, but he didn’t care. He _loved_ him. He knew he did, when he thought he would never love anyone in that way. So many years of keeping his heart under lock and key, and it was unleashed by this teenager and his voice. He knew it in that first verse, those first sung words.

He had to have him.

He was already painting a picture in his mind, watching the brush hit the canvas in strokes of color. Watching a picture form. Reds, oranges, the chestnut color of Brian’s hair. It was all there, in his mind.

“Brian?” He asked, looking over at the teen.

“Hm?”

“How do you write a song?” Justin asked. Brian looked over at him, one eyebrow raised.

“What do you mean?” Brian asked curiously, rolling his lips into his mouth. Justin suddenly felt stupid, blushing as he looked back up at the ceiling.

“Well, I just started painting a picture in my head. The canvas is already colored, it’s there. Now I just need to get up and paint it,” he shrugged. Brian grinned. “So, I was just wondering if it was like that for a song. If you just saw it in your head, had it all formed and just there, like some sort of gift, so all you had to do is write it down.” 

“Pretty much,” Brian nodded. “Sometimes it just pops up, all the words and the notes. They just appear like some little bundle and I just have to unwrap it on paper.” He furrowed his brow, licking his bottom lip. “But sometimes… sometimes you have to work at it a little. You have to search for the right word, the right note. And I like those songs better, when your own work challenges you.”

“I love that feeling,” Justin stated, nodding. “I love that we both love to create, that we know what it feels like to take an idea, and _make_ something of it.” Justin mumbled, his fingers aching to create. His hand slid down Brian’s sculpted arm, and the desire was momentarily forgotten.

“Yeah,” Brian agreed, turning to face Justin. “Because… that’s what I feel like I’m doing with you.” Justin blushed crimson and Brian kissed his cheek. “We’re like a new idea, waiting to be created. We aren’t perfect. We don’t know what the finished product will look like. But… we’ll make it together.”


End file.
